Schmooze Your Way to Social Success!

By: Mary Gardner
Submitted: 2007-01-17 12:18:04
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If you are like 99% of the population, you probably get a bit nervous before going to a gathering of people who you don’t know. Why are we humans like that? Aren’t parties and social functions intended to be fun? Aren’t we supposed to relax, enjoy the moment, and feel energized by connecting with new people? Perhaps.

But then why is drinking alcohol so popular at parties or at bars?

Believe it or not, just knowing that everyone in the room is feeling more or less the same can help you realize that you are not alone in your apprehension. Surely, many people debated whether or not to even show up at the party. Others called around and asked what their friends were wearing, what time they might arrive, or even tried to back out at the last moment. Some of them downed a quick beer or glass of wine or perhaps took a prescribed medication to calm their nerves before scooting out the door.

Why all of this trepidation for something as common as a social party? The simple answer is that we all desire to fit in and be liked. We want to feel at ease and comfortable in any environment. We worry if what we are saying is going to be appropriate and we worry if we’ll be able to THINK of something to say. Our fear is that we will stand there with a blank look on our face and appear stupid. Luckily, there are ways you can prepare……..

There are a few easy steps that are guaranteed to help the individual who really wants to get out and develop new friends or network to improve their business or social life. While the steps are simple, they take practice and so it may be a few parties before all of the steps feel natural to you. My suggestion is that you give them a try one by one.

First, realize that everyone is in the same position. Several are probably MORE terrified than you. Knowing this will help you understand that part of your job at the party is to help OTHERS feel less threatened. Take the lead! People will be so relieved that you started a conversation, any conversation, that they will immediately think you are dynamic and interesting.

Secondly, before you arrive at the party, take a few minutes to visualize yourself enjoying yourself at the party. Imagine yourself relaxed and having a good time with others and enjoying their company. This type of preparation can be crucial to your success because once you have a mental picture of yourself in a given situation, when you are actually placed in the situation you feel as though you’ve already been there.

Third, make sure that you are in a great place emotionally. Take a minute to assess things in your life that you are grateful for, things that you love, and people that you admire. Think of how you feel about a person when the only thing they have to say is negative or complaint-based. So keep your complaining to yourself and be ready to be optimistic, hopeful and fun. If you’re really having trouble finding something to talk about compliment your surroundings or the wonderful job the host did by bringing everyone together. Enter the party in a relaxed state.

Deep breathing is a great way to calm the nerves.

When you arrive, take a look around the room and try to connect eyes with as many people as you can, and give a slight smile. Smiling and strong eye contact says to others, “Hey, I’m nice, friendly and optimistic and I’d love to get to know others who are the same”. Wander over to the punch bowl or buffet table; people naturally congregate around the food and drinks.

Another great idea is to scan the newspaper or the internet and take a minute to review what is going on in the world so you’ll be able to comment on any current events that come up. It isn’t necessary you know ALL of the details, just a few simple ones. Remember this when getting briefed on news events: who, what, when, where, why and how.

Never worry about someone else knowing more about a topic than you do- chances are they will! And they will LOVE you for giving them a chance to talk about something they are knowledgeable about and be thrilled to have someone willing to listen.

And lastly, as QUESTIONS. Let others do the talking. For instance, “This seems like a GREAT party. Do you know many people here?” And then ask to be introduced to the people they know. If you don’t want to talk about the weather, then ask if the person comes to the area or neighborhood frequently. People love to tell others about their favorite haunts in a given area. Or if you’re from the same area, ask if they’ve been to your favorite haunts. Be willing to ask questions of others, and then share of yourself. The conversation should be equally split between the two or three people who are standing in clusters. Make sure you include everyone who is near you and draw each into the conversation.

Parties are a great place to network, develop new business, or just learn about what others are exploring in their lives. It is a great opportunity to increase your own knowledge about topics you know nothing about. People will LOVE you if you become naturally curious about them and their interests and are able to talk about things other than yourself. Once you implement these steps on a regular basis, your personality will become magnetic and people will be looking for YOU, instead of the punch bowl!

Mary Gardner, The Charisma Coach! works with teams and individuals to buff up their social skills, sales skills and their personalities. She's coached hunreds of professionals, celebrities, entrepreneurs and high schoolers on their personalities and being likeable and magnetic. Her information can be accessed at http://www.marygardner.com

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