Litigated Divorces: The One Thing You Need to Get Rid Of Before You Go Into Mediation(Pt 1)

By: Vivian Rodriguez
Submitted: 2008-06-16 10:50:30
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As a certified family mediator and family attorney, I often hear this from clients in the middle of mediating a litigated family case as they’re considering the latest offer from the other party, “I’ll take this offer—I just want this thing to be over.”

The “thing” the client wants to get rid of is the legal action. 

That statement is usually followed by a comment about how the client can’t take it anymore—can’t take the tension and uncertainty generated by the case, the preparation for trial or depositions, and the money it is costing him or her to continue in litigation, etc.

The feeling of desperation and the hope for relief is clearly palpable in their words.

Moreover, since it’s common for mediation with represented parties to be scheduled for an entire day, these feelings are made worse by mediating for an extended period of time—we all get tired from such a prolonged concentration in resolving conflicts.

As a party in a litigated case, going into mediation with this frame of mind is the worst thing you can do. Here’s why:

1. Regardless of why you enter into a particular settlement agreement, you will have to live with the agreement long after your feelings of frustration and desperation have gone away.

2. This frame of mind will prevent you from evaluating the particular terms you are agreeing to, including (or especially) the disadvantages to you from entering into a particular agreement.

3. If you can’t live with what you agreed to, you will end up back in court—the very place you wanted to escape by entering into a mediated settlement agreement.

It is critical that you face these feelings and deal with them prior to any mediation. It isn’t a question of whether you’re justified in having those feelings. It is a question of getting yourself into the best mental condition.

In part 2 of this article, you can read about how to best deal with these feelings and prepare for mediation so that you can assess the terms of any agreement you’re negotiating.

© 2008 Vivian Rodriguez

Vivian Rodriguez helps parties in family disputes workout creative solutions to lessen the emotional and financial impact of expensive and long litigation. She is an attorney and Florida Supreme Court-certified family mediator offering dispute resolution services in Florida.

For more information on mediation in family disputes, even before you start the legal process, visit www.fldivorcemediation.com.

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