Relationship Advice for Those Who Are Breaking Up - Have a Happy Marriage Instead

By: Paul Friedman
Submitted: 2008-12-02 12:20:00
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The dynamics of a breakup

Relationship advice for those who are breaking up is still useful for getting a marriage back together.  It should be known, however, that when both want to recapture the relationship it is an easier process. 

Most often a relationship can be saved even when there is infidelity.  But it is more difficult to save marriages that are falling apart when the wife has become involved with another man then the other way around.  Women rarely have a purely sexual fling, despite what you may have gathered from watching too much television or reading romance novels.

Women are creatures of the heart who typically only stray when they are feeling unappreciated, unloved and unappealing to their husbands. 

If you are a man whose wife is in an affair no amount of preaching or expressions of reason will reach her.  She (generalizations may not apply to your case but do to most) has been hurt very deeply and does not feel there is any hope.  This does not mean a man should not try to win his wife back.  But it does mean that mere words will not work.  In most cases a wife who comes back will stay, but she should never be condemned for what she did.  In fact, she should be praised for her love and loyalty re-expressed by coming back. 

It is widely known that women are not understood by men, or indeed, by other women.  But the effort a husband makes to please his wife and convince her to come back is well worth it.  No man should consider himself vindicated by his wife’s possible refusal to come home.  He should never allow anyone to speak badly of his wife even if she never comes back.  It would be nobler for a man to blame himself, regardless of the circumstances, if his wife leaves him.

When a man has an affair it is typically much easier for him to end it because his psycho-physiological needs are much simpler and an astute wife knows just what she needs to do in order to recapture her husband’s heart.  Most women, when faced with the loss of their husband become very intelligent and win him back.  Some, who put pride ahead of practicality, sacrifice their children’s lives as well as their own in order to prove a point.

The intentional harshness of the above is meant to illustrate the most important point of all:

Regardless of what has taken place in the past every marital relationship could and should be restarted, leaving the past behind.

There are no victims in a reconstituted marriage but there are nothing but victims in divorce.

For a lot of people the term “happy marriage” has become an oxymoron.  Even when I was a kid, we were listening to jokes on TV that made marriage seem like a battlefield instead of a refuge of peace in a battlefield world.  The truth of the matter is that ignorance reigned.  While studies were being done on everything from tooth aches in chimpanzees to the fiber content of carrots, the institution of marriage was left to philosophers, romantics and jokesters to figure out.

Happy marriage is not an oxymoron.  It is a reality for those who understand how it is constructed and what all those little knobs are for.  If I asked you to pilot an airplane you might insist that you don’t know how to fly.  Nobody has ever showed you how.  Well, believe it or not it is more difficult to learn how to fly a plane than to be married.  It is insane to get married without knowing “how”, or what it is all about.  If you learn about how to behave within a marriage, and how not to behave, your marriage will be happy.

Marriage is meant to be happy.  Marriage is supposed to be happy.  Marriages are naturally happy.

It is a mistake to think you have to work in a marriage; you don’t.  You just have to know how it works.  If you twist the lid of the jar in the wrong direction it will tighten when you want it to loosen.  Once you know which direction does what, you won’t have to strain again.

Learn the rules and principles of marriage.  That’s all it takes, I promise.  But do you really need my promise?  Isn’t it so obvious?  Yes it is!

Article source: Expert Articles