Satisfy Your Need For Touch When There's No One To Touch You

By: Rinatta Paries
Submitted: 2007-01-17 16:24:27
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If you are single, you know the feeling of wanting to be held, touched, cherished; that need for passionate touch, comforting touch, any kind of touch – and the suffering that results from having no one to give you that touch.

It’s not so well-known that many married people and people in relationships also suffer from the unfulfilled need for touch, physical comfort and passion. Their story is different from that of singles, and the reasons for the absence of touch in their relationship may be varied, from a good relationship gone bad to health issues involving one of the spouses.

Most of us crave touch and can’t live well without it. Having to live without can be excruciating. So what does a person do when there is nobody to meet the need for touch? You learn to satisfy some of your craving for touch for and by yourself.

The truth is, until you are in a loving, long-term, touchy-feely, intimate relationship, your need for touch will not be completely satisfied. If that is not motivation to get your fanny out of your chair and resolve the relationship issues that are keeping you from having a loving, touchy-feely, long-term relationship, I don’t know what is.

The need for touch is very much like the need for food. You may satiate yourself for today, but tomorrow the need will arise again. Be prepared when the need arises daily. Pick a few suggestions below and practice them daily to keep your craving for touch at bay. Reducing your craving for touch will make it easier for you to make better relationship choices.

Speaking of cravings, here are things NOT to do to get your need for touch met:

* Do not hook up with an unavailable, married or otherwise involved person just because you need to be touched.
* Do not settle for a relationship or a partner you don’t really want just to have someone who will touch you.
* Do not cheat to get your need for touch met.

If you do any of these, you will end up with a little fun and a little touch, and then a whole lot of headaches and love trouble. When the love trouble starts the touch will go away and you will be brokenhearted and without touch again.

Healthy ways to satisfy your need for touch: 1. Stimulate your skin

One of the things you are missing when you don’t get enough touch is sensory stimulation of the skin. Help yourself to get more sensory stimulation by deliberately choosing the softest sheets, blankets and pillows, and very soft and even silky clothing. Pay attention to the objects that surround you throughout the day and see if you can make them specifically pleasing to touch.

2. Give yourself comfort and pleasure

Touch provides us with comfort and pleasure, and not just sexual pleasure. When you are not touched, it is hard to feel comforted and hard not to crave pleasure. To help, find ways to comfort yourself. Try a soothing cup of tea, a heart-centered meditation, listening to sweet music or reading poetry. Try going for a brisk walk to feel the pleasure of the sun or wind on your skin. Go for a swim to feel the pleasure of water on your skin. Walk barefoot in the grass to feel the softness of grass on your toes. You get the idea.

3. Get hugs and cuddles

Even when you don’t have a lover to touch you, you still need to be hugged and cuddled – get a pet for this. Studies show that people with pets experience less stress. The act of petting an animal brings pleasure and provides a way to physically connect with a being that loves you. You could even take your pet to bed with you and cuddle it, especially if it’s a puppy or a kitten.

4. Pay someone to touch you

No, not like that! Find a loving and safe masseur or masseuse and get a weekly massage. Many people resist going this route, as they feel uneasy having a stranger touch them. But if you find the right person, he or she will be able to comfort and nurture you in a respectful and fulfilling way. If money is an issue, call your local massage school and schedule an appointment at their clinic. At a school clinic you can get a great massage for about $25. If you like the person and help him or her build a practice, you may be able to get massages at that price for a very long time.

5. Give and get hugs

Hug and ask to be hugged by the people in your life. Hugs will help you get your need for touch met. Ask friends and family for hugs and give lots of hugs to your kids. Everyone will appreciate the extra touch, and everyone involved will be better off. (Needless to say, do not give hugs to folks who have not given you some level of permission to do so, and do not hug children you are not related to unless that child’s parent explicitly approves.)

6. Touch yourself

Yes, that way too. But primarily give yourself a foot massage, a neck rub or a hand massage. Or climb into a bath and rub yourself all over with a loofa or a soft cloth.

7. Give yourself love

The remembrance meditation, a free instructional e-book for which you can download from my Web site , is a great way to fill yourself up with love. It will be especially effective at soothing and comforting you, helping you to sleep on lonely nights.

8. Move your body

Exercise, dance, walk. Moving your body will heighten your endorphins, make you fit and help you feel good about your body. And moving simply feels good to the body. In the absence of touch, body pleasure is what you want to get more of.

9. Controversial ways to get your need for touch met

I have read about cuddle parties, where you meet with others to cuddle only, and where boundaries concerning other physical behaviors are specifically verbalized and respected. If that interests you, Google “cuddle parties” on your computer. Alternatively, you can get a cuddle buddy. A cuddle buddy would be someone with whom you would cuddle only. If you do find a cuddle buddy, be sure that both of you are very clear on what is and is not going to happen and how the two of you feel about each other.

Your need for touch is natural and normal. It will be great when you have someone wonderful in your life to hold, touch and love. Until that day, take care of your own need for physical touch using the suggestions above, and you will find yourself happier and less hungry for touch.

Love Coach Rinatta Paries has been teaching singles and people in relationships & marriages to attract and keep true love for the past ten years. For more real love-life help visit her website, http://www.FixYourLoveLife.com and subscribe to the Love Coach Newsletter.

Article source: Expert Articles