The Greatest Barrier to Loving Relationships: Self-Esteem

By: Amy Barnes
Submitted: 2007-01-17 16:24:27
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1. Watch what you tell yourself and what others tell you. Stop the negativity. Remember the old children’s story, The Little Engine that Could? I think I can, I think I can …instead of I can’t or I should. We always have choices. Don’t put your self down. Don’t let other people put you down. Instead of, I could never have that job. Think, what could I do to prepare myself to have the job or career I really want?

2. How do you limit yourself? You need to be realistic about what you can and cannot do. Yet most of us tend to limit ourselves by restrictions we have come to believe about ourselves. These beliefs whether from ourselves or from others may no longer fit who we are

3. Take care of your body. Exercise; eat well, drink water, get regular check ups. We’ve heard it all before, but do you like yourself well enough to take care of yourself? I plan to live a very long and healthy life and I want to everything in my power to stay active and healthy.

4. Connect with others. People with multiple friendships live longer and have healthier lives. We all need friends we can call at 3 in the morning. Ten years ago 700 people died in Chicago from the heat. Most were older people who lived alone and had no one to call.

5. Take calculated risks. Expand your comfort zone. Try something new. It doesn’t have to be huge just a little bit outside your normal range. Take a dance lesson. Invite a new friend to lunch. Try something new.

6. Do something you have put off. Make a decision; get your finances in order. Take care of a long standing problem or make a call you have been putting off. You will feel relieved and positive about yourself.

7. No addictions. Addictions come in all types: alcohol, marijuana, drugs, also shopping, exercise, working, or anything done to access. Addictive behavior in any form is not healthy. Dishonesty, manipulation, and not dealing with feelings are all part of addictive behaviors.

8. Deal with clutter: Unfinished projects, stacks of paper, piles of things or the clutter in your mind of unmade decisions. All this clutter tends to keep us stuck, from seeing the world clearly. Clear you mind and your environment so you are ready to move forward.

9. Stop sabotaging yourself. What keeps you from having the life you want? Make the decision to figure out what keeps you from having the life you want. Do something different today.

10. Permit yourself to dream. Take time to really discover what you want out of your life without limits. Stop making excuse for you life and be willing to take action.

11. Be responsible for your life. If you don’t like your life, change it. It may be time to take a good look at what you are doing to create the life you have and make a conscious decision to make changes in your life.

12. Build others self esteem. In every word, action, glance, thought or shrug of the shoulder you have the opportunity to build up or tear down another’s self esteem. If you tear down another’s self esteem you are also tearing down your own self esteem. If you build up another’s self esteem you are also building up your own.

Take action! Just wishing for healthy self esteem won’t make it happen. What is one thing you could do today to feel better about yourself. Just do it! Please email me, amybarnes@lifeoptions.us with what has made a difference in improving your self esteem.

Barnes’ diverse background includes a seminary degree in Marriage and Family Therapy and Pastoral Counseling and a license as a Mental Health Counselor providing a foundation for her extensive experience and training in marriage counseling.

Barnes has taught divorce recovery programs for six years and has written numerous articles on relationships and divorce as well as given a variety of talks and led workshops on divorce and relationships.

With a focus is on relationships, both personal and professional, Ms. Barnes is considered a gentle, compassionate listener who assists individuals, couples and families in finding practical solutions. She helps people develop their own strengths and find greater possibilities and options for their lives. For more information go to: http://www.lifeoptions.us

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