Tips to a Great Marriage - Expectations, The Relationship Killer

By: Brandi Simon
Submitted: 2007-01-17 16:24:27
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Expectations are relationship killers. I bet you’re thinking that I must be batty, you have to have expectations of your spouse otherwise they won’t do the things that you want them to do or they might turn into somebody that you hate.

In reality your expectations should be very small. The expectations that you place on your spouse should have more to do with your relationship deal breakers than with the ho hum everyday nonsense that we have come to believe is our right to expect.

A good marriage will have two partners who are working in service towards each other with no expectation of anything in return.

The husband will be performing some task in service of his wife which she has asked him to do and he will not in the back of his mind be thinking that there might be some payback later that night. He won’t be thinking this because his motivation for serving his wife is not to please himself but to please her.

A wife will be lovingly cooking a dinner for her family even after working all day because she is doing so in service to her family. She won’t be sitting there marking another tally mark in her mental score card just waiting until it’s full so that she can remind them of all that she does for them. She won’t be doing this because her motivation is not one of selfish desires; it is a motivation of love.

When we serve another human being without regard for our own person gain then we are serving unconditionally and that is the cornerstone of marriage. Unconditional service is unconditional love!

I have been through the ups and downs of living in a really bad marriage and I know all too well the pitfalls of serving my husband for personal gain. I have even on occasion bartered with him. Getting to a point where you are able to serve with out expectation is hard and once you’re there it is hard to stay put. Old habits die hard and it’s really easy to step back into that pit.

However, if we are to have a happy marriage it is important to get up on that horse and try again as many times as it takes to get it right. I challenge each of you to take the time today to think of the ways that you can be of service to your mate. Forget all the pain you may be feeling because of something your spouse has done to you! Put that aside and do something purely for your spouse. Do something in unconditional service of your spouse everyday for the next 30 days and you will be amazed at the difference in your marriage!

I’d love to hear from you when you’ve completed your 30 days. Please go to my website and send me an email and let me know the wonderful things that have come from your efforts.

Brandi Simon is the owner of Marital Matters where she offers articles and information for those suffering the effects of an extramarital affair and other relationship issues. Brandi is an affair survivor who has successfully rebuilt her marriage from the ashes and offers advice to those who are recovering. To learn more about the website or Brandi, please visit Marital Matters. You will also find content not included anywhere else on our blog.

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