Why Be Committed to a Non-Commitment

By: Brooke Brimm
Submitted: 2007-01-17 16:24:27
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Have you ever been in a relationship where you’ve spent lots of time together, you’ve talked to each other several times a day, you’ve shared your secrets and inner most thoughts, you’ve spent many nights together, and you were sure he was “the one.” Then suddenly he refers to what you think of as a “relationship” as a “friendship.” You then realize that what the two of you have has not been solidified. You may have never had “the discussion.” You know what I mean, the one where he says he only wants to be with you and you say you only want to be with him, and from there the two go away with understanding that you are in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

Because you have not had “the discussion,” you find yourself faced with a dilemma. Do you continue things the way they are, talk to him about the future of this “friendship”, or leave him behind and start the search again? The choice is yours. However, to protect yourself you need to make it clear to him and yourself that you are not going to be committed to a non-commitment. Assuming a commitment is what you want.

Whether you leave the “friendship” completely or continue with things the way they are, don’t be ashamed to tell him that you thought it was a relationship. Since the two of you were behaving as individuals in relationships do, it is natural that you would make that assumption. If he wants things to continue they way the have been, and you still want to see him, see other men too. Don’t be afraid to tell him you plan to see him and other people until you are both ready for a relationship, and don’t feel any remorse for doing so.

I know society likes to label women who see more than one man at a time, but why allow a label to stop you from seeing what’s available in the man department. Conduct yourself as a safe adult who has the right to explore her options. Be honest and respectful of all parties involved, and have a good time. You will feel more confident, seem more desirable, and become choosy when you keep your dating options open.

Too many times we give a man the pleasures of a relationship and feel ashamed, angry, and hurt because he doesn’t want to give us the security of a commitment. Know your worth! Know that you are worthy of a commitment and that you can have one if you want one. If not with the man you thought, then with someone who has the same commitment goal you have.

Brooke Brimm has a Master's degree in Professional Counseling and 8 years of experience in the field of Human Science. She has been married since 1993 and has two beautiful daughters. Ms. Brimm authors an ezine, Loves Gumbo, in which she discusses love, relationships, and friendships in today's society. To join email: lovesgumbo@comcast.net

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