Divorce: Doing the Right Thing for the Children

By: Lesley Moore
Submitted: 2007-01-17 16:25:25
Print this article | Tell a friend | For publisher | Social Bookmarking
Rating:
 

Divorce is a difficult set of cards to manage; no matter who you are, what your reasons are for leaving, or how amicable your divorce is. It is difficult enough to give up on your “happily ever after” dreams, but to accept the broken pieces of your family unit is even more of a challenge.

The most difficult thing about divorce involving children is that you are now forced to continue a relationship with someone you either don’t get along with or that doesn’t function in the same way as you. On top of that, as easy as it would be to simply part ways, there is more than a property to settle on.

Studies have shown that divorce is not traumatic for children. Yet it is what occurs after the divorce that creates a traumatic experience. Being truly loved by both parents, regardless of whether they live under the same roof or not, is what affects them most.

But how do you stay focused on that love when you have a mix of emotions on a daily basis? How do you remove yourself from the upset that your ex-spouse imposes upon you? It’s challenging, but can be done by breaking down the simple steps of becoming co-parents:

1- Remind yourself daily that your job as a parent has not changed.
2- Visualize your role as co-parents with two hands out in front of you. Hands that will hold different things. One hand will hold the emotions you feel, while the other will hold what you will do. Close the emotional hand tightly and do what the other hand tells you to do, accepting that they won’t be the same any longer.
3- If you have anger for your ex-spouse, compartmentalize it and keep visualizing your children’s’ faces. These are the lives that you are impacting now.
4- Remember that even though you don’t need your ex-spouse, your children do.
5- Accept that the things that bother you about your ex-spouse are not things that bother your children.

Different can be good or bad, but you can impact the direction it goes. If it’s going to be different anyway, why not choose to make it something better than it has ever been? And when things seem really, really hard, look deep into those children’s eyes and remember who you are for them as a parent.

Lesley Moore is President and Owner of LifeScope, Life and Executive Coaching. She specializes in working with individuals in transition, empowering them to create a life they love and with professionals to help them bridge the gap between expectation and performance. She is a Freelance Writer and co-author of: 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life. Lesley graduated from the University of Maryland with a degree in Journalism and has studied coaching through the Mentor Coach Program, which is recognized by the International Coach Federation. For more information about Life and Executive Coaching, visit her website at http://www.LifeScopeCoach.com or e-mail her at lessmore4@comcast.net.

Article source: Expert Articles

Most Recent Articles in Divorce category

  • Divorce Lawyer NY: The Answer To Your Worries. - By: Damyel Flower
    Divorce Lawyer NY provides you a service but also assist you like a friend. It will not only help you but also understand your needs.
  • Divorce lawyer NYC for legal assistance - By: Damyel Flower
    So, if you are also looking forward to get a divorce in New York, it is better to start searching for a divorce lawyer today! There are both affordable and expensive lawyers in New York. You can hire the one that suits both your requirements and budget.
  • Ensure Peace of Mind with Divorce Lawyer New York - By: Damyel Flower
    Selecting a divorce lawyer New York is essential to fight for your legal rights, it may be property distribution or child custody. You must think about it practically and strengthen yourself to fight the case with great courage.
  • Divorce: You Can't Always Get What You Want - By: Shelley Stile
    The Rolling Stones were actually very smart. They were dead-on when they sang that you can't always get what you want but you get what you need... that is if you are paying attention to what is being offered. When we wish, pray or hope for something, what we actually might be gifted with is the situation in which to manifest that gift.
  • Divorce: So-Called Mistakes are Life Lessons - By: Shelley Stile
    Your divorce is not a failure or a mistake. People miss an incredible opportunity to learn, grow and change for the better when they view their divorce through the lens of failure. A so-called failure is actually a lesson in how not to do something and an invaluable tool for doing things right and in your self-interest in the future.
  • Why to Select an Efficient Divorce Lawyer NYC? - By: Damyel Flower
    An efficient divorce lawyer NYC helps you to settle matters such as child custody and division of financial assets at the time of divorce and represents you in the court of law.
  • Winning Visitation Rights - By: Veronica Scott
    Families are meant to live harmoniously together. This includes both nuclear as well as extended families. However, this does not happen often due to complexity of humankind. Grandparents are always nice to their grand children. It is a common scenario for a grandparent to pamper his or grandchild with gifts and nice treatment. This explains the tight bond between grandparents and their grand children.
  • Divorce Recovery: Acceptance of What Was and What Is - By: Shelley Stile
    The clients who come to me for help in letting go and moving on after their divorces discover that acceptance, a mandatory step in divorce recovery, comes in two stages. First we work to be in acceptance of the end of our marriage and then we move on to accept what our life is now, in the present. This second step in the acceptance process seems to be the more difficult hurdle to overcome but it can be overcome successfully.
  • Divorce Recovery: Are Your Fears Holding You Back? - By: Shelley Stile
    Divorce turns our lives upside down. It throws us into a major life transition that is colored by intense feelings and emotions that can be debilitating. I believe that fear is the main culprit that holds us back from not only healing and letting go of our pain, but also from moving forward into a new life. So it is fear we need to identify and then overcome.
  • Victimhood: The Curse of Divorce Recovery - By: Shelley Stile
    Victimhood: The Curse of Divorce Recovery Feeling or labeling yourself a victim of your divorce is one of the most disastrous moves you can make. It will prevent you from moving forward into a new life. Victimhood renders you powerless. To create a new life after your divorce takes a person who is fully responsible for their past, present and future. Being responsible means having control over one's life and that is what it takes to both recover from the emotional wounds of a divorce as well as plan for your new life.