Divorce: Learn, Let Go, and Live More Fully

By: Marcia Breitenbach
Submitted: 2007-01-17 16:23:54
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Are you on the brink of a divorce? In the process? Already divorced, and wondering how you’re going to move forward as a single person? The first thing to remember is: everything happens for a reason. You are right where you are supposed to be.

This may not be what you want to hear. Most people going through a divorce never thought they would be in that situation. The breakup of a marriage can be disconcerting and bring about a flood of grief, anger, and depression. Yet, learning how to move on from a divorce can allow us to heal so that we grow and become better, stronger human beings.

In working with divorced people, it is apparent that the breakdown of a relationship can be quite a shock. No matter how long you have been miserable in the relationship, coming to that final decision to separate can be quite traumatic and stay with you for a long time. Sometimes it may seem surreal, taking months or years for the reality to just sink in.

During the initial period of divorce, you may be asking yourself dozens of questions about what went wrong. You may be trying to figure out who is at fault, what you did wrong, why the other person left, and many other questions. Sometimes you can feel like you are drowning in self-doubt and questioning. Yet, there are ways to change your thinking so that you are moving in a more productive and healing direction.

By thinking more positively about your relationship, even though it may have ended, you can get better perspective on yourself and your relationship. Focus on how things started with you and your ex-spouse and how you were together. Figure out what attracted you to each other and why things were good. Then you can question how things changed and what outside factors impacted your relationship. Ultimately you will want to determine why you could not overcome your differences. Though these thoughts will be upsetting sometimes, they allow you to see ways for you to grow emotionally and spiritually. Journaling or writing letters may help you work through your thoughts about these questions so that you can learn to let go of the guilt, anger, despair and confusion you have been feeling.

While you are trying to work through the deeply rooted emotional upheaval in your life, you may also need to do some things to keep the practical tasks of everyday life in order. By keeping track of your responsibilities, you will gain some perspective of your life and realize that life will go on even though you are single. Make arrangements for how you and your spouse will handle vacations and holidays for your children. This will alleviate conflicts later.

Create a budget and/or a schedule to help yourself get things done. There is a significant change happening in your lifestyle, and with all of the emotions surrounding this change, having a practical approach to your money and time can ease some of that burden. Make sure, though, that you schedule some fun activities for you during your day and week. Sometimes that time appreciating art, nature, or activities can allow you to move on a bit every day from your breakup. Also, maintaining and sticking to a budget can keep other stress from compounding the sense of loss you feel from the divorce.

While taking a practical approach to moving on is helpful, so is taking a spiritual approach. Divorce can take its toll on your mind, body, and spirit. Journaling can be helpful in the healing process, but so can meditation or support groups. Sometimes connecting with yourself and others can help you understand what you are feeling and have confidence that your emotions are normal. However, if you feel that you are slipping further into depression or you are having suicidal thoughts, you should seek professional assistance immediately.

Learning to move on after divorce is important to allowing your mind, body, and soul to heal. As you work through your emotions and connect to yourself and others you will find yourself getting stronger little by little. Remember that grief is normal and healing takes time, but working through it will allow you to become a stronger, more well-adjusted person who embraces life and lives it well.

Ultimately, the choice is yours. If you want to learn from your marriage, you will. It was not a “failure” if you have taken some lessons with you, and are willing to work on those things in yourself that get in the way of true intimacy. Give yourself permission to heal and let go at your own pace, and, at the same time, allow yourself to look forward with anticipation to the future. You will be re-inventing yourself and your new life. It’s like a second chance to live a full, purposeful, balanced and joyous life. Don’t miss this gift!

Marcia Breitenbach is a speaker, author, therapist and songwriter dedicated to assisting others to live a magnificent life. Sign up for her free Songletter at http://www.thesongletter.com and receive free original inspiring music and strategies for living your best life.

Article source: Expert Articles