Five Good Reasons I Stopped Seeing My Son After Divorce

By: Matthew Robert Payne
Submitted: 2007-01-17 16:25:20
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How could there be five good reasons to stop seeing your son I hear you ask. When I felt Jesus tell me to step out of my son’s life it was a hard day indeed. My wife had re- married and felt that her new husband would be more than adequate as a father to my son without me in his life. The choice not to fight for my rights was one that took me six months to decide before I gave in to the Holy Spirit.

First reason

My wife wanted it that way.

It made no sense to me to fight with my wife. It was her wish that I step out of my son’s life and it was unloving toward her to force my will against her will on this issue. She had just entered a new marriage and she didn’t need the strain of an ex- husband coming round every second week and having her son bring home stories. I was a mistake in her life and it was best to go and hide and stay in the cupboard and not come out and bring her life into shame.

I think many adults “grown adults” fight over children in a sort of emotional tug-of- war. It makes a lot of sense that a wife thinks you are no good if she is divorcing you and part of her motherly instinct is to get a good provider for your child. Part of that is being the father who loses a wife and loses your children. I heard one report in my country that up to 40% of divorced males do not see their children, that is very sad if that is true. I am one of those 40% and yet I am not fighting over my child and I am respecting my child’s mothers wishes and staying out of the way.

Second reason

My Lord wanted it that way.

My Lord Jesus made it quite clear that we are not to go to court and fight with a brother. In order to enforce custody rights I would have to take my wife to court and this was against the command of Jesus in the Gospels. Added to this the Lord Jesus told me quite clearly in my mind to walk away from the fight and trust in Him.

I look at Abraham who was asked to offer Isaac on an altar one day. The pain that would have sought to make Abraham disobey that command, is just too hard to contemplate. So walking away from my son caused me great pain but the Lord God Almighty had a reason for it and He is the one full of promises for His followers in the Bible and so all I can do is trust Him.

Third reason.

Her new husband wanted it that way.

I have a lot of respect for a man that takes on an unmarried single woman with a child. I have a great admiration for the man who married my former wife. He got a pretty girl and a wiser woman and I pray that they are going really well. As a man he didn’t want me coming round and upsetting his wife. He made it clear that he agreed with my former wife’s decision not to allow me access to my child.

I had to think. What was best for my child, to honour his mother and his new father’s desire or force my own self will against that of the Lord. I chose to bow down and take the fall. I was promised and re-assured that one day my son would return and I would be re-united with him. He is fifteen years of age today and so I don’t have long to go, as around 18 I am hoping he will come looking for me.

Fourth reason

My son would not have wanted his mother fighting with me.

My son would have suffered in two ways. He suffered in the way his mother hurt me and he suffered when I got angry at his mother and he was a helpless eight year old that was stuck in the middle. Though he would have missed me it would have been easier on him I am sure over the years than it has been on me.

There is an untold sort of damage that I could have done, disobeying his mother’s wishes. After all she is his mother however flawred I might think she was, she was his only mother and anything I did that was to make his mother upset would have hurt my son. So for my son’s best interests I simply gave up the fight and walked away.

Fifth reason

I did it for my good also.

At the beginning of September 2006 a friend of mine that can hear from God told me that God was sad I broke up with my wife but He broke us up as she had many breakdowns scheduled for my life. She helped me into my first breakdown and if I had have disobeyed the Lord and stayed in touch with my son, an evil presence from her would have seen to more suffering.

Two weeks ago this was comforting as it was coming up to father’s day one of my saddest days of the year. I would have never thought that all of my tears that have been shed since I lost my boy would have worked to my benefit but today I can see the wisdom in it now.

It’s hard to understand how evil spirits can reside in a Christian, but the fact of the matter is that they can. It was pretty powerful witchcraft that led to my first nervous breakdown and I could never understand what gave my wife such wisdom. Little did I know I was dealing with a fallen angel and all his knowledge.

I would not suggest any man leave children but if you find that your ex-wife wants you to stop seeing the children perhaps you might make the peace by agreeing. If your children are old enough perhaps you can write to them. I cry many tears and would be pleased to pray with you if you contact me.

God bless you

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