Time Alone Does Not Heal

By: Amy Barnes
Submitted: 2007-01-17 16:25:10
Print this article | Tell a friend | For publisher | Social Bookmarking
Rating:
 

You may have been either widowed or divorced or may wish to share this article with a friend who has been. There are lots of similarities yet also vast differences in grieving and healing from the death or divorce of a spouse. A number of people have asked me which is worse and which is harder to get over. This is not a contest. Each person’s grief and healing is similar yet different. No two people deal with these events in exactly the same way.

Time alone does not heal. I am certain you have met people who are bitter over an event that happened many years ago. On average it takes about two years to be able to successfully move on from the death or divorce of a spouse. Elisabeth Kubler Ross wrote the classic book, On Death and Dying. She describes five stage of grief as: Denial, Sadness, Anger, Bargaining and Acceptance. I would in fact add several more and would like to note that these stages do not come nice and orderly. You may find yourself feeling all these things at the same time or you may find yourself jumping back and forth from one feeling to another. These stages are similar yet different for the individual dealing with the death or divorce of a spouse. Dealing with ALL your feelings, not stuffing them down and pretending they don’t exist, is an important part of the healing process. Healing takes effort on your part. It takes actively going through the grief process to once again open your heart. It is worth the effort.

You may find it hard to ask for help. You do not have to deal with this alone. Books and articles may be helpful. The real healing comes in your willingness to be with other people even though you may not feel like it. You may feel lonely and isolated and not like reaching out to others for help. Making connections with other people who can help you is vital to the healing process.

• Talk to a friend who is a good listener. Ask your friend to just listen and NOT give advice.

• Join a support group. A Divorce Recovery Group or a Grief Support Group for those who have lost a spouse or other loved one through death.

• As you become more comfortable going out you might with to join a singles program or an activity that you have enjoyed in the past or try a new activity or take a class. You might also wish to reach out to others by volunteering.

• If you feel stuck in your grieving or healing you might wish to seek the help of an objective person such as a therapist who can help you sort out what is happening in your life. This is something I do in my private practice as a therapist.

• Be gentle on yourself. You have suffered a major traumatic life changing event. Healing is a long process. Give yourself time.

Healing allows you to be able to open your heart to others. This tragic event does not have to be the defining event of your life. For now it’s ok to grieve.

Barnes’ diverse background includes a seminary degree in Marriage and Family Therapy and Pastoral Counseling and a license as a Mental Health Counselor providing a foundation for her extensive experience and training in marriage counseling.

Barnes has taught divorce recovery programs for six years and has written numerous articles on relationships and divorce as well as given a variety of talks and led workshops on divorce and relationships.

With a focus is on relationships, both personal and professional, Ms. Barnes is considered a gentle, compassionate listener who assists individuals, couples and families in finding practical solutions. She helps people develop their own strengths and find greater possibilities and options for their lives. For more information go to: http://www.lifeoptions.us

Article source: Expert Articles

Most Recent Articles in Divorce category

  • Divorce Lawyer NY: The Answer To Your Worries. - By: Damyel Flower
    Divorce Lawyer NY provides you a service but also assist you like a friend. It will not only help you but also understand your needs.
  • Divorce lawyer NYC for legal assistance - By: Damyel Flower
    So, if you are also looking forward to get a divorce in New York, it is better to start searching for a divorce lawyer today! There are both affordable and expensive lawyers in New York. You can hire the one that suits both your requirements and budget.
  • Ensure Peace of Mind with Divorce Lawyer New York - By: Damyel Flower
    Selecting a divorce lawyer New York is essential to fight for your legal rights, it may be property distribution or child custody. You must think about it practically and strengthen yourself to fight the case with great courage.
  • Divorce: You Can't Always Get What You Want - By: Shelley Stile
    The Rolling Stones were actually very smart. They were dead-on when they sang that you can't always get what you want but you get what you need... that is if you are paying attention to what is being offered. When we wish, pray or hope for something, what we actually might be gifted with is the situation in which to manifest that gift.
  • Divorce: So-Called Mistakes are Life Lessons - By: Shelley Stile
    Your divorce is not a failure or a mistake. People miss an incredible opportunity to learn, grow and change for the better when they view their divorce through the lens of failure. A so-called failure is actually a lesson in how not to do something and an invaluable tool for doing things right and in your self-interest in the future.
  • Why to Select an Efficient Divorce Lawyer NYC? - By: Damyel Flower
    An efficient divorce lawyer NYC helps you to settle matters such as child custody and division of financial assets at the time of divorce and represents you in the court of law.
  • Winning Visitation Rights - By: Veronica Scott
    Families are meant to live harmoniously together. This includes both nuclear as well as extended families. However, this does not happen often due to complexity of humankind. Grandparents are always nice to their grand children. It is a common scenario for a grandparent to pamper his or grandchild with gifts and nice treatment. This explains the tight bond between grandparents and their grand children.
  • Divorce Recovery: Acceptance of What Was and What Is - By: Shelley Stile
    The clients who come to me for help in letting go and moving on after their divorces discover that acceptance, a mandatory step in divorce recovery, comes in two stages. First we work to be in acceptance of the end of our marriage and then we move on to accept what our life is now, in the present. This second step in the acceptance process seems to be the more difficult hurdle to overcome but it can be overcome successfully.
  • Divorce Recovery: Are Your Fears Holding You Back? - By: Shelley Stile
    Divorce turns our lives upside down. It throws us into a major life transition that is colored by intense feelings and emotions that can be debilitating. I believe that fear is the main culprit that holds us back from not only healing and letting go of our pain, but also from moving forward into a new life. So it is fear we need to identify and then overcome.
  • Victimhood: The Curse of Divorce Recovery - By: Shelley Stile
    Victimhood: The Curse of Divorce Recovery Feeling or labeling yourself a victim of your divorce is one of the most disastrous moves you can make. It will prevent you from moving forward into a new life. Victimhood renders you powerless. To create a new life after your divorce takes a person who is fully responsible for their past, present and future. Being responsible means having control over one's life and that is what it takes to both recover from the emotional wounds of a divorce as well as plan for your new life.