What Is A Divorce Coach

By: Lori Barkus
Submitted: 2007-01-17 16:25:28
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Don’t be surprised if you have not heard of a divorce coach, or if you view the idea with skepticism. Divorce coaching is a relatively new field which is still somewhat undefined. A look at the role of a divorce coach in the collaborative divorce helps explain the need for this additional resource as part of a collaborative divorce team.

In a traditional divorce, an attorney functions not only as a legal problem solver, but often as a therapist of sorts. Clients commonly face the emotional impact of their separation while trying to work on the legal aspect at the same time. Most attorneys are not trained to act as therapists and cannot provide the proper emotional support to their clients. As a result, the attorney and client spend hours discussing the emotional aspects of divorce and the client ends up paying a huge bill and receiving little more than a shoulder to cry on. In addition, many divorcing couples wind up in the traditional litigation route because they are reacting to fear, anger and a desire for retribution and are not thinking about what will happen once the divorce battle has ended. A divorce coach helps solve these problems by refocusing emotion-based thinking and helping the couple determine what is important for themselves and their children, both presently and in the future.

A divorce coach is a trained mental health professional who has been specially trained in collaborative law and who helps clients with decision making and goal setting. In a collaborative divorce, each party works with their own divorce coach to develop a plan of action. A divorce coach can help a person move beyond the high level of emotion which is often a stumbling block to resolving any divorce related issues and to focus on achieving certain goals, whether lessening the emotional harm to children or encouraging a spouse to seek financial advice in preparation for being single. The coach can also provide effective problem solving tools to reduce misunderstandings in communication and help create solutions to emotionally loaded legal issues.

It is important to note the difference between a divorce coach and a therapist. A therapist seeks to uncover the source of the problem, i.e., the childhood issue from whence the conflict originates. A divorce coach, on the other hand, focuses on the situation at hand and works on problem solving. Rather than seeking a reason why the divorce happened, a coach helps clients take action and develop a plan for dealing with the here and now issues. For instance, a couple who is unable to communicate without arguing can be taught how to diffuse tension by recognizing certain conversational triggers which have lead to arguments in the past. This is especially important in cases where there are children in common as the parties will have to co-parent even after the marriage is dissolved. A divorce coach also empowers parties to take action. A spouse who has been unemployed for a long period of time while raising children can be assisted with formulating a plan for obtaining the skills necessary to obtain an income of their own. A divorce coach will also hold the parties accountable for the goals they have set and will offer suggestions and additional resources for coping with the divorce.

In a collaborative divorce, the focus is on the impact on the family as a whole and not on either party as an individual. Divorce coaches can be an extremely useful resource in the collaborative process as a well trained divorce coach can help work past the emotional aspects of divorce and to create goals for the future.

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