You CAN Find Life AFTER DIVORCE

By: Connie Butler
Submitted: 2007-01-17 16:23:55
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It's All About Change

One of the most radical and often devastating changes that a person may experience is the change accompanying a divorce. But you don't have to flounder through it all alone. What if you had help charting a course to the life you truly wanted to live? What if you could leverage this time of change to create the life of your dreams? What if you received support and guidance through the transition from pain and confusion to thriving in your new life?

I can help.

At the core, my work with people revolves around creating effective change - I am a skilled change agent moving clients through the often choppy waters of a complex life.

Many of the women I work with have been through divorce and are trying to work through the complexity of putting the past behind them, identifying the resources they have and those they need to help them move forward. They are working towards a renewal of their personal power and are interested in building self-confidence. Often they are faced with upgrading their employment skills or entering the work force for the first time when they are faced with financial pressures. Some are learning what it means to be alone and reestablishing the confidence of independence. Although it can be an extremely confusing, often overwhelming time, the hidden silver lining is that it can also be a potent time to restructure, revision and recreate a life based on principles that can bring you the fulfillment and excitement you desire. My goal in working with you is to help you better understand the steps needed to get you there!

I went though a divorce as a young adult with no support and know first hand the difficulty that many people go through when they are trying to rebuild a positive and fulfilling life after all of the "legal dust" has settled. I experienced first hand how difficult and painful the rebuilding process can be with no support. My experience coupled with over 18 years of helping people navigate complex change establishes my ability as a trusted change agent in developing a satisfying life after divorce.

I am so blessed to do this work because in it I participate in the process of real and substantive positive change in the lives of my clients. What a remarkable, real and inspiring undertaking. It calls on me to bring myself totally present with each of my client calls. It expands my capacity for understanding and recognition of the amazing opportunity we each have to affect not only our own lives but that of the planet as a whole. It shows me and my clients over and over again the unique qualities each of us possess and how precious those qualities are. If each of us truly understood that our very being ness is exactly what our lives and the lives of others require to thrive would we hold back anything? Would we allow the next moment to happen, move into it and meet it fully? Would we bring our whole selves forward on this adventure of life?

That is what real living is about - not holding back from each individual moment whether it holds great joy or sorrow but having the willingness to live it fully. Each moment is a moment of change and that change can be profoundly moving if we participate in it fully.

In this article I will be outlining several ways for you to get started on your own right now.

Get Support:

Hopefully you already have the support of family and friends. But finding the RIGHT kind of support is what is key here. Often, unfortunately, family and friends, though well meaning, may have their own agendas for you. One of the essential components of this change is that it is based on YOU: your clarity, your dreams and what you want. It is vital that you determine who in your life allows you to discover what you want and go to them. Basing your own self- development program on what YOU want is the first step in building self- confidence again. Make sure they have your best interests at heart and not just what they think you need. If this does not seem to be available, see if you have a trusted clergy member, a counselor, a support group, or a good coach. I believe you need ample time to discover what it is that you want next and do all you can to support THAT.

Forgive Yourself:

The greater your willingness to forgive yourself, the greater will be your enthusiasm and creativity in moving forward. Many people harbor feelings of failure about their divorce. Many blame themselves and continue to go over all that they might have done differently. Self-judgment is like the cross-current that will immediately send you off course. It is the one thing that can destroy your self-confidence and any creative idea you may have for the future. It is often a natural way to deal with all of the chaos and upheaval- we immediately blame ourselves or our spouse. It is a negative attempt to gain control. But effectively it defeats your dreams and keeps you tied to the past. Look for ways to forgive and nurture yourself; defend yourself against any of your self-judgments. Essentially, they are untrue and you can move past them. My soon-to-be launched Audio/Workbook program can give you the tools you need to deal with Judgment.

Discover What You Want:

Often in very important relationships our identity becomes so entwined with another that when it ends we are not sure who we are. This perceived loss of self is actually the deepest pain of the separation. You need time to rediscover yourself outside of the relationship. You require enough space and peace to be able to envision a new, bright future. Right now you may be using your imagination to see all of the possible negative outcomes. The important thing for you to realize here is that you are using your imagination to support these old thoughts and actions. Our imaginations are an amazingly powerful and creative tool. See if you can begin to use it to support you not hobble you.

Start by letting yourself imagine what you would like to see in your new life. Take a moment right now, close your eyes, take a few breaths and consider one thing you would like to change. Use your imagination to envision or sense it already in your life. Let yourself feel what it would be like to have it already in place. Use the inspiration of that to fuel your actions.

Action the Change:

Now the next important thing is to start actioning that change. Change does not happen unless you take targeted action. If you need help seeing how to practice making change you can sign up for my F.r.e.e eClass that will lead you through the basic steps of change. You can click here http://www.conniebutler.biz/change_signup.php to sign up for this F.r.e.e. eClass and download it immediately. You can start making those changes right now. Use the principles in this class to start making smaller changes so you can build the inner strength and resolve needed to make the larger changes effectively.

Good, targeted reading can add another level of support to action. You can access some books to support you here: http://www.conniebutler.biz/resources.php

As you look at your current life and envision what you want choose one area that you wish to change. What do you need as support to make that change? You may need to access a quality within yourself. The quality may be courage or faith or strength. You may need the courage to try something new. You may need the faith to believe the change is possible. And you may need the strength to take the action required. Start developing the quality that will most leverage the change you want.

Who or what might help you take the action. Perhaps you need a buddy. Someone who encourages you and to whom you are accountable. Do all you can to put that support in place. One of the things I see in my work with clients is the necessity to notice the smallest increments of change. When you notice change as you are taking action your motivation for more action increases.

Continue to envision the change you want. Eventually the momentum of action will increase and you will find yourself moving along the line of growth and action that will bring substantive change into your life. This is one of the most important transitions of your life. Give yourself all you need to create the life that will bring you the satisfaction and fulfillment. In the process you can also access my eBook

"Thriving After Divorce - 3 Key Principles for Creating a Fantastic Life in 30 Days" at http://www.conniebutler.biz/divorce.php

"Nothing will change until you change. Everything will change when you change."~ Lou DiCaprio

Connie Butler is a personal and professional coach working with individuals and groups to clarify their greatest vision and cultivate its successful realization moving them past their growth frontier into new territory. She is available for personal or professional coaching, seminars and can be reached at 305-534-1119 or connie@conniebutler.biz Ms. Butler is an international coach, published author and radio personality.

Article source: Expert Articles