You're Separated – Things Your Divorced Friends Would Tell You If You Promised Not To Get Mad

By: Gary Kelly
Submitted: 2007-01-17 16:23:54
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Divorce can cause a number of very radical changes in many people. Recently a divorced friend of mine ran her first marathon. To envision her doing such a thing five years ago would have been unimaginable. Divorce has lead to a major change in me as well. For years I railed on and on about golf and how silly it was. After my divorce, I have ironically started playing golf myself and I have even begun to enjoy it. Even more ironically, I now own a online dating website for golfers.

People handle divorce in a number of different ways. There are many factors to consider in any divorce. Was it amicable? Are there kids involved? Do both parents live in the same state? Divorce has often been compared to a kind of death and in some regards this is an accurate comparison. As with any death, there is a grieving process and individuals all treat that grieving process differently.

We should not be quick to judge how our friends or family react to the grieving process of their own divorce. While we may feel it maybe time for our friends to move on, it may not be the appropriate time for them. Perhaps not enough time has passed and they are just not ready.

What happens though when one of our friends is in the middle of a divorce or separation and they really seem like they don’t want to move on? How do you tell your friends to move on and accept the fact the marriage has failed? Should you even tell them at all?

We all want to offer up advice to our friends about how they should behave or how they should react to a particular situation. If your divorced friends knew you would not get mad at them, here are some of the things they would tell you and some of the advice they would provide.

Being divorced does not make you special. In fact, one in two people are currently divorced. Like my brother said to me when I got divorced, “welcome to the majority.”

Divorce is not the end of the world. It may seem like it while you are in the middle of it but I can assure you, the world will not end just because you are getting a divorce.

Someone else before you has experienced everything you are feeling right now. The feelings of anger, bitterness or resentment have coursed through the veins of numerous other people ever since society began saying I do.

Be prepared for the financial mauling you will experience.

If you do not learn to come to grips with your divorce you may very well die.

Children are very resilient and often times have fewer problems with the divorce then the parents.

Be very careful you do not become depressed. Know the warning signs of depression and honestly evaluate yourself periodically.

See your family doctor for a check up.

Regardless of how depressed or down you feel, you must force yourself out the door and do things that you enjoy. Although you may not feel like it, getting out and doing fun things will slowly help you on the road to recovery.

Gary Kelly is co-creator of the online dating website for golfers, DateAGolfer.com and PuttingForPar.com.  DateAGolfer.com is an online dating website for golfers who are interested in expanding their golf network. Join us in Myrtle Beach in September for the world's first international singles golf tournament.  PuttingForPar.com is a golf website specializing in high quality personalized ball markers. They make a great gift idea for golfers in your life.

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