The Money Fight isn't Necessary

By: Martin Lukac
Submitted: 2007-01-17 16:16:08
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Money isn't that difficult a topic. It is quite simple. It is about one thing -- choice.

I understand that it is a hard thing to talk about. So much of who we are is tied up within our finances, or lack of. But to get your finances on the right path, you have to let go of that right now.

Start thinking of money as you would anything else in life. It is all about choices. Just like driving your car. You might choose the wrong road, but you readjust and move on to where you should be going. You have to learn to just accept that you make good and bad choices with your money. It happens to everyone. Just keep on driving.

One of the strangest things I have ever heard comes from a couple that I know personally. They talk as if they are struggling financially; yet, they are constantly spending money for large items. Recently, they purchased a new vehicle. Together. Went to the lot together. Both signed the lines. Both understood what it meant.

And then the husband was upset at the wife because they bought a new car. Okay, on some level, I understand that he may have felt pressured. But it is all about choices. He chose to go along. No blame can be laid anywhere else. They both may have made a poor choice, not just one of them.

When you are in a relationship, there is only one way to succeed financially -- through communicating with each other.

It can be surprising how many couples are unable to communicate with each other about financial matters. My goodness, you see each other naked, yet you can't discuss the spending of paper bills?

I think that part of this is due to couples just wanting to forget about their finances. Things ignored will go away, right? Nope. They just get out of hand.

Many couples have tried and have disagreements and fights. So they no longer want to talk about it with each other. Over half of divorces are due to disagreements over money. That's what happens when you ignore it.

Why are there money problems in marriages? Because people aren't talking. And often, they are already blaming themselves for being in financial trouble, so they are easily angered and defensive to begin with.

Lack of communication can run from being blissfully ignorant as to your financial situation to spending money that was being saved by your partner for something else. Perhaps you make an important financial decision without discussing it with your partner. Maybe you spend a lot of money without telling your spouse.

Or it could get worse even. You could have credit cards that your partner doesn't know about. You could be hiding your shopping. You could be lying about how much money you have.

So what do you do to keep a fight from breaking out when you talk about finances. The first step is to be open. Leave your ego outside the door. You aren't better than your spouse. You don't know everything. Your spouse and you are equal partners in this relationship. Both of you must make the decisions.

In my family, I have a strong knowledge of finance. My husband didn't even know how to balance a checkbook correctly when we were married. I handle the finances. But I never do anything without talking about it with him. We have regular "meetings" to assess where we are and what changes need to be made. I mess up. He messes up. We don't tear down each other, we encourage each other to reach for the goals we have set.

We all make mistakes. I tend to spend too much money when I am upset. My husband forgets to check to see how much we have before making large purchases. It happens. We try to learn. We support each other.

Sit down and talk openly and honestly about your finances. Promise each other that you will remain calm. It can often help to do this in small doses at first. Thirty minutes every night is often plenty. If you feel that you are getting upset with each other, take a break and think about things. Talk with your spouse as you would a friend, a co-worker or your boss. Be patient, honest and don't let your ego kill the conversation.

Don't be scared to talk with your spouse. You have to do it. It is essential to your financial success. And if you can talk about money, you can talk about anything.

Martin Lukac represents http://www.RateEmpire.com and http://www.1AmericanFinancial.com, a finance web-company specializing in real estate and mortgage rates. We specialize in daily updates, mortgage news, rate predictions, mortgage rates and more. Find low home loan mortgage interest rates from hundreds of mortgage companies!

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