Elder-Care Mediation: How a New Breed of Mediators Helps Families Navigate Difficult Conversations

By: Tammy Lenski, Ed.D
Submitted: 2007-01-17 16:23:11
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For elders and families who are navigating the complex and emotionally charged waters of end-of-life care, financial arrangements, medical decisions and estate matters, there's a new and powerful way to get some support and help.

Elder mediation, sometimes also called eldercare mediation or family care-giving mediation, helps families make vital decisions while also keeping communication channels open and avoid damage to family relationships. In elder mediation, an impartial person, the mediator, facilitates discussion and helps elders and families explore options that address the many needs families are trying to sort out together.

Elder mediation is often about more than reaching a specific agreement. Some find that the facilitated conversation helps them feel fully heard. Others say it helps them talk about the things that matter most, before it’s too late. Still others say that they were able to accomplish in a few hours what hadn't been achieved in months and that it reduces stress for families already facing enough difficulty and stress.

A new breed of mediators now helps elders and families address matters including health and medical care, end-of-life care and decisions, how to share family care-giving, care-giving schedules and expenses, living arrangements, property maintenance, family members' role in decisions, guardianship decisions, financial arrangements, and probate matters such as wills, estates and trusts.

Sometimes elder adults initiate the mediation as a way to gather the family together before matters get too difficult. Some elder adults want their wishes about estate matters or end-of-life decisions to be fully understood by family members and find that a mediator can provide the support and structure to help that happen most constructively. Some want to have frank discussions with their children and grandchildren as a way to preempt the kinds of misunderstandings that lead to probate problems and legal action after they’ve passed.

Sometimes family members, such as an adult child, initiate the mediation as a way to sort through tension between siblings or between elder parents and adult children. Some want to resolve differences while parents or grandparents are still alive and before they escalate further. Some feel financially stretched and are seeking an economically efficient way to resolve differences. Some want to help the family get back on an even keel for better future joint decision-making.

Sometimes the staff of hospitals, nursing homes or assisted living facilities recommend mediation when disagreements reach a point beyond what a case manager or patient liaison has the time or training to manage. Additionally, mediators, who are specifically trained to help people navigate very difficult conversations, offer an impartial perspective that’s separate from that of the hospital’s or care facility’s interests.

The need or desire to use elder mediation is not a statement about a family’s ability to function together effectively. Even well-functioning families can experience tension when facing difficult end-of-life issues. Elder mediation is a choice for those who want the support, clarity and help of a caring, trained person who’s familiar with geriatric issues and prepared to help them talk things out and preserve their most important relationships.

Copyright © 2005 by Tammy Lenski. All rights reserved.

Article source: Expert Articles