Moms Forced to Be Fathers - Single Mothers are Playing Dad

By: Teddy Bryant
Submitted: 2008-06-02 16:34:21
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Many people believe and continue to debate over whether or not single mothers can raise boys to be good men. Fortunately, this myth is finally coming to its end because mother and son relationships are increasing rapidly. There are thousands of men out there that were raised by just their mother or grandmothers, including famous men such as Bill Clinton and Bill Cosby. However, just because many, many women raise boys single handedly does not mean it was an easy job.

Many single moms have found it quite hard to raise young boys without having fathers around. It is just natural for a boy to need a male role model but when there is not one, the single mother has to step in and take over not only as the female role mode but also the male role model. When a woman has to step in and take a man's place it can be difficult to adjust for both the mother and the child. It may seem easier if the child is in the baby or toddler stages but when the boy’s father is taken away or leaves when the boy is older, the mother may have a hard time with rebelliousness and other misbehaviors.

If you are a single mom of a son you will be interested in the tips below for taking on the father role in addition to the mother role you already have.

Tip One: If your son is involved in sports or scouts there may be a time when a father-son even has been planned. Your son may feel a little left out because he wants to go but he has not father around. What you can do is talk to the scout leader or coach about changing it to a parent-son event so that the boys who do not have fathers or have fathers that are unable to attend can go with their mothers instead. In this day and age organization need to be more sensative to the changing family system. Why not help pave the way for others. Another alternative is to get your brother or a guy friend to substitute for you as a male role model.

Tip Two: You and your son may not always agree on things, in fact I do not know of a parent-child relationship that has absolutely no disagreements. However, it is different when the child and the parent are of different genders. You should respect that your son will think and react to things differently than you; he is a boy after all. Just because you cry every time you watch Titanic does not mean that it does not completely gross him out. Find other moms in the same position with boys so that your son can have lots of opportunties to be with other guys.

Tip Three: Never state or let anyone else state that your son is to take care of you because he is the man of the house. Your son is still your son; he is just a child and deserves to have a childhood that he would have if the father were around. A child should be nurtured and taken care of not be responsible for taking care of a full grown adult. As time goes on once he is older you will notice that he may want to assume this role on his own; taking responsibility for handyman repairs and honey dos.

Tip Four: If your son is not enrolled in scouts or a sports team it would be a good idea to get him involved in something of the sort. Through activities such as scouts your son could end up looking up to the leader or one of the other boys' dads. This will be a good way for your son to get interaction with other boys and men; he will be able to learn what it is like to have a male role model in his life. Don’t forego male dominated sports. Take your son to the go-cart track. Teach him to shoot a gun if he is interested in hunting. You will be surprised at the number of men who will offer to help you when you go to a shooting range or show up at a national park for a dirt bike ride.

Tip Five: Instead of having grudges against men in your past it would be a good idea to get over the wrongs and forgive what has gone wrong. Never voice bad opinions of men to your son instead focus on the good aspects of men that you know or happen across. Try to find some men who you respect to play a role in your son's life.

Tip Six: Do not expect your son to be happy about not having a father. He is going to be sad about the lack. And may be angry at you if the reason is because of a divorce. You will just need big shoulders to handle the resentment. It will pass. On the same note, do not expect your son to appreciate that you are trying to do your best to perform both roles. You will get this respect when he is an adult but not before.

There you have it, my top five tips for dealing and coping with being a single mom raising a boy. Just think, there are also single dads out there raising girls who face similar issues. Of course, there will always be things to worry about when it comes to raising your son all by yourself, but you also have to look at the up side of things as well. You will be your son's only parental figure; this means that you have complete control over disciplining and other things of the sort instead of fighting with the father about what is best. Who knows maybe you will even get a Father’s Day Gift.

Article source: Expert Articles