The 2006 Mid-Terms: Coyote Ugly - What Really Happened!

By: Fred Tutwiler
Submitted: 2007-01-17 16:25:29
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Our government is composed of three distinct segments; Head of State – (foreign policy and national defense); Head of Government – (economics, regulatory and public service); and Head of Society – (social issues).

To be sure, each of these domains overlaps the others at various points, but the domains are, of necessity, mostly distinct. They represent the diversity and complexity of a political culture, and in fact, were clearly on the minds of founding fathers when they penned the Declaration of Independence and the Bill of Rights.

A successful political agenda is one that succeeds in addressing the greatest mass of concern in the greatest number of domains for the longest period of time. And successful political leaders, at least on a national scale, are those that are perceived as representing the majority interests in each of the domains.

We could apply this theory to every presidency since Dwight Eisenhower, which would be fun, but it’s not the point of this article. The point of this article is to gain a realistic perspective on what happened in the ’06 midterms.

In American politics, each of these domains has its own set of special interests, both political and economic. Obviously, the military-industrial special interests have a huge motivation to promote whichever Head of State agenda best serves them – a strong, expensive military, for example. Likewise, corporate America is primarily interested in the Head of Government agenda that fuels corporate profits and economic expansion. And, the Head of Society agenda is of great concern to religious interests and human rights groups. These are not all inclusive examples, but they do point out the differing sources of support that a particular political party agenda might receive.

It’s not unusual for the interests that support one domain to be at odds with the interests that support another domain. For example, a defense contractor may be quite gung-ho about prosecuting a war (Head of State domain) because it means lots of dollars will be spent for stuff that blows up buildings. But, fiscal conservatives may seriously object because such a commitment can undermine commerce or public services (Head of Government domain). It’s these different interests that we want to look at, because that’s where the Coyote Ugly rears its … well, ugly head.

If you think about that phrase – coyote ugly – it has it origin in a graceless dating culture of picking up a sexual partner in a bar or some other equally intoxicated environment. The definition is that, when you wake up in the morning and see your one-night-stand in the clear light of morning slumbering peacefully on your arm, the person is so ugly, or otherwise revolting, that you’d rather chew your arm off than risk waking them up as you slink out of bed. Yes, yes, disgusting, I know. But, spot on for this analogy.

You see, a misguided state of mind often prevails when one is trying to entice the opposite sex. In that state of mind, people tend to make choices that they’d rather not have to deal with later on, quite often, choices that are embarrassing or hypocritical. Later when they are forced to confront the imprudence and folly of their choices, they must resort to some form of “chewing off their arm” in order to extricate themselves from the indulgent and reckless alliance they’ve made.

In case you haven’t put it all together yet, the “enticing the opposite sex” part is synonymous with “getting elected” or “getting political clout for one’s agenda”. And just like the clash between raging hormonal indignations and rational thinking, special interest groups sometimes wake up and find themselves in bed with a totally undesirable partner. Gulp.

“The enemy of my enemy is my friend”! In the political arena, there is a high tolerance for indulging the unacceptable dispositions of one’s political allies. Just scanning a short list of political scandals of the last 5 years -- Jim Traficant (D-OH, bribery), Duke Cunningham (R-CA, bribery and influence peddling), William Jefferson (D-LA, bribery, stashing $90,000 in his freezer), and most recently Tom Foley (R-FL, sexually preying on young kids) – makes the point. I can’t believe that NOBODY around these guys knew that something was going on. Heck, Duke Cunningham bought a freaking yacht!! But, in the interest of furthering a particular agenda, it’s easy to look the other way. Until you wake up to the realization that you’ve really screwed up. And then the chewing begins.

And THAT is what really happened to the Republican voting coalition in 2006. The foreign policy Republicans (the Neo-cons) got in bed with the social conservative Republicans (the theocrats), and they invited the regulatory and citizen service Republicans (the Moderates) in for a raucous threesome. For a while it was fun, everybody was getting theirs. But, none of these groups really had much in common. They weren’t really interested in a serious relationship, it was just a one-night-stand, a matter of convenience.

The foreign policy gang, the Neo-cons, don’t really have much passion for gay-bashing or abortion. They just want to control the world, and in pursuit of the power to do that, they’ll put up with all manner of what they perceive as folly if it furthers their cause. But, in a choice between funding the War on Terror or funding new faith-based initiatives, they’ll kick those silly theocrats to the curb in a heart beat.

The theocrats (which includes the Christian Coalition, Family Research Council, and Eagle Forum and others) don’t appear to be all that distressed by multi-billion dollar corporate scandal or environmental warming, as long as they can stop consenting adults from performing “unnatural acts” on each other. But, they do start feeling unappreciated and indignant when billions of dollars of tax credit go to oil companies while they are left with the crumbs of the public trough. They also get highly agitated when judges are nominated that are big on presidential autonomy (which pleases the Neo-cons) but don’t seem to have much taste for overturning abortion laws.

And the self-loving public servant moderate Republicans - the ones that grant no-bid FEMA contracts and want to make sure that Exxon doesn’t go hungry - get right testy when they flub the biggest natural disaster in a hundred years because all their money and autonomy have been turned over to the Neo-cons who have more politically important fish to fry, like terrorists and such . Sometimes the moderates get red-faced when accused of incompetence and like to show everybody that they’ve got cajones, like when they (mostly secretly) authorized a massive transfer of US properties (i.e., our ports!) to an international company that those dang Neo-cons think may be terrorists. That tends to piss off “W”, but he can’t really bitch slap them because he invited them in after all, so he has to pretend like it’s no big deal because these are his … bed mates (gulp!). The moderates also wish the pesky theocrats would lay off characterizing battleground states like Ohio as an “apocalyptic clash between the forces of righteousness and the hordes of hell." It just makes it so much harder to motivate the moderate Republicans (you know, those traditionalists that still embrace such out-dated ideas as the separation of church and state) to get out and vote for economic stimuli like tax cuts. Oops!

Of course, in the dark of night – i.e. while they are all still “getting theirs” – they make excuses for each other. (AKA, “What are you talking about? She’s a nice girl!”). But then, inevitably, daylight comes. Strap on the bibs, y’all. It’s Chewing Time!

The intelligence agencies don’t like being blamed for botching the Iraq adventure (chew, chew), the Neo-cons don’t like being blamed for botching the prosecution of the war (chew, chew, gnaw), corporate America doesn’t like being blamed for high medical costs or runaway oil prices (grrrrrrr), the theocrats don’t like being blamed for hijacking congress with marriage amendments, and everybody is looking for the rascal that slipped them all a date-rape drug. The Republican Coalition of voters just couldn’t take it anymore and so, as reluctant as they may have been, they got out of bed. Who can blame them? And, with nowhere else to turn, they went sheepishly to the “other guys”. Hmm. Can you say CATCHING THEM ON THE REBOUND? But, that’s a whole different article.

Meanwhile, the other guys, the Democrats, get to sit it all out. “Hey, we didn’t do nothing! We tried to tell ‘em, but…”.

So, now it’s the morning after and everyone is busy chewing, looking for a plausible reason to explain how this m?nage a trois came about in the first place and who really botched what was supposed to be a good thing. You can be sure that no one is going to acknowledge that they were just trying to get laid. Too bad. It would all be so simple if they did.

And, as for you “other guys”, you’ve had your own share of coyote ugly, so don’t get cocky. It would be a HUGE mistake to think that the voters have rejected all three domains of the Republican agenda. Things definitely got carried away for awhile, and in the throes of passion people said and did stuff that that was half-baked, irresponsible and embarrassing (sigh, passion will do that to you). Some of them really wish they hadn’t. But, there are still millions of Americans that are legitimately concerned about our national security, our financial solvency, the integrity of our civic leaders and our spiritual well-being. Just because the voters were disgusted by the spectacle of powerful people manipulating important issues for their personal fame and gain doesn’t mean the voters are rejecting the issues themselves. They aren’t!

Hey, here’s a novel idea. Why don’t you guys and gals of all political agendas start looking for the best in each other rather than the worst? Why not reject the scoundrels and the knaves as soon as you find them, regardless of how willing they are to put out for you? Who knows, maybe you can solve some of these pressing issues we’re facing. Wow, maybe there is such a thing as common ground!! I know, it’s not as seductive as the big score, but it sure makes the morning after less revolting. If not, well, you can start practicing how to chew your arm off. Sooner or later, you’ll need it.

It’s quite simple if you understand what REALLY happened in ’06.

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