4 Simple Steps for Effectively Dealing with Anger

By: Lisa Fredette
Submitted: 2007-01-17 16:39:39
Print this article | Tell a friend | For publisher | Social Bookmarking
Rating:
 

6 Emotional Phases of Divorce: The Healing Process

Phase Two: Anger

I hope you took me up on my challenge from last month's article. Moving outside your comfort zone can be extremely frightening, but as I am sure you found it can be very exciting and rewarding. Now that you have the tools to conquer the fear that turns up in your life, let's take a look at the next phase, Anger.

Anger Defined

According to www.answers.com, anger is defined as "a strong feeling of displeasure or hostility". I can say that I wholeheartedly agree with that definition. When I was going through this phase during my healing processes, I definitely exhibited "strong feelings of displeasure and hostility".

Where It Shows Up

My husband, my daughter and I lived in our house for approximately six years before my husband moved out. Everything seemed to be working just fine, by everything I mean the appliances, etc. Well, my husband moves out and within that year everything decided to go wrong. First the refrigerator quit working, so I needed to buy a new one. And of course it decided to stop working in the middle of a summer during a dinner party I was having. Around the same time, every faucet in the house decided to leak and the tiles in my daughters shower felt like popping out. Trust me I am no plumber or carpenter. It so happened that the year he left was the rainiest year on record so needless to say my basement flooded. Finally, the fuel pump on my vehicle went and if any of you know about fuel pumps when they go they just go no warning. So mine decided to go bad when I was driving my daughter home from work at 10:00 pm at night, stopped running right in the middle of the road.

Can you see where all of this is going? Sure I blamed him for all these things going wrong. My favorite saying was "Boy he knew when to jump ship". During that year I experienced a great deal of anger. Anger that manifested itself so strongly that I ended up in tears more times then not.

Ways of Dealing with Anger

The first step in dealing with anger is to acknowledge it and find out the source. Once you have done this it is easier to feel it and move through it. Some ways that can help you move through anger are:

1) Venting: either alone or with a venting partner
2) Journaling
3) Anger Letters
4) Physical Outlet: punching a pillowing or exercising

Venting: this provides a safe outlet for your angry words and emotions. A venting partner is someone who is willing to listen and support you, without input, during your venting process.

Journaling: you can write down all the angry words that you are feeling in a safe place. Getting the toxic thoughts out of your head and on to paper helps you move safely through your anger.

Anger letters: you write a letter to the person that you believe is the source of your anger this could be a spouse, a child or yourself. The important thing to remember is that this letter is not going to be sent to the person. It is a safe way to address your feelings while respecting the other person. After the letter is written, you should destroy it, by ripping it up, burning them or during a letting go ceremony. This is a great way to release those angry feelings toward others or yourself.

Physical Outlet: it is proven that physical exertion provides emotional release and encourages positive thoughts.

Action Step

I encourage you to try one or several of these methods to deal with your anger. If you try any of these options I would love to hear your thoughts. Also, if you have methods that you found to be effective in dealing with anger I would love to learn about them. Please email me at coach@lisafredette.com.

If you want to learn more about dealing with anger, I encourage you to sign up for the group coaching sessions that are beginning soon. Contact me at coach@lisafredette.com for more details.

Next Phase 3 - "Regret""

Lisa Fredette, St. Marys, PA
coach@lisafredette.com
I am a personal life coach. I coach women who are transitioning from being someone’s spouse to being someone. I work with recently divorced women who want to take back control of their life and redefine their future. Are you interested in discovering your true purpose in life? Are you interested in getting reacquainted with your best friend? Do you want to be excited about your future again? If you answered yes to these questions, then contact me for a free sample session and begin the exciting journey called life! Lisa A. Fredette, CTA Certified Coach Personal Life Coach Passionate About Life Coaching 814-781-1626 or 814-594-5817

Article source: Expert Articles

Most Recent Articles in Anger Management category

  • The Secret to Mastering The Secret - By: Hale Dwoskin
    Because of the momentum of your habitual ways of thinking, feeling and behaving, you may frequently feel like you are trying to move forward with a rubber band around your waist.
  • Battering Rams and Sun Tzu - By: Kenneth Ragpala
    There are a lot of words in the English vocabulary that are spelled the same yet mean something else. Just some blah on the side.
  • Dealing with Anger Management - By: Crizza Reyes
    We all experienced those moments in which we feel completely out of control with frustrations. Perhaps you’ve thrown something across the room, screamed at someone uncontrollably or put your fist through a wall.
  • An Assertive Communication Technique that Works - By: Dr. Lyle Becourtney
    One of the most effective ways of using assertive communication is by using a technique known as the Compliment Sandwich. In order to minimize the other person's defensiveness, you would begin with a compliment (the first piece of bread), then present your complaint or criticism (the meat), and then finish with another compliment (the second piece of bread). When used appropriately, the Compliment Sandwich can be very helpful in managing your anger.
  • An Assertive Communication Technique that Works - By: Dr. Lyle Becourtney
    One of the most effective ways of using assertive communication is by using a technique known as the Compliment Sandwich. In order to minimize the other person's defensiveness, you would begin with a compliment (the first piece of bread), then present your complaint or criticism (the meat), and then finish with another compliment (the second piece of bread). When used appropriately, the Compliment Sandwich can be very helpful in managing your anger.
  • Anger Can Be Good - By: Dr. Lyle Becourtney
    Although uncontrolled anger can be quite costly, when channeled properly anger can also be very positive. Among other things, anger can motivate us to work harder to accomplish our goals. This could mean playing harder on the defensive end in a basketball game, studying longer for an exam, or putting in more time when learning to play an instrument.
  • Anger Management Skills - By: Michael Malega
    Anger is a lifelike emotion, it is not possible for anybody not to be angry as we face different circumstances. Some people may respond very harshly to their feelings and therefore their saying creates problems. Check this article for anger management skills, tips, ideas and suggestions.
  • 7 Anger Management Techniques - By: Anthony Kane
    Every day things happen to us that bring out our anger. So it's critical that we learn to keep our temper under control. We need to do this for ourselves, and we need to do this so that our children can learn from our example. Here are seven easy to use anger management techniques that will help you to keep your anger under control.
  • Anger + ADHD = an H-Bomb: 6 Steps Plus a Bonus to Manage Anger with ADHD - By: Sarah Jane Keyser
    Anger is a paradox. We all, except for saints, feel anger or think angry thoughts some of the time; it feels manly and justified. It is so much more satisfying to retaliate than to turn the proverbial other cheek.The paradox is that anger while it feels good is radio-active like the A-bomb.
  • Road Rage - A New Disorder or a Symptom of Today's Chaotic Lifestyle? - By: Lisa Rickwood
    You’re a law-abiding, tax paying member of society. People respect you, you’re generally happy with life (aside from minor annoyances), and you practice fairly good self control at work and home. But when you get behind the wheel of your car, you change.