Conflict Resolution Skills Can Be Learned

By: Marilyn Barnicke Belleghem
Submitted: 2007-01-17 16:39:39
Print this article | Tell a friend | For publisher | Social Bookmarking
Rating:
 

Fear of conflict is common.

We are anxious when we recall past quarrels and disagreements that resulted in personal injury, either physical or emotional. We remember feeling frightened, defeated and powerless.

To avoid repeating the experience, we can become passive, agreeable or accepting. We try to please the challenger, so they do not strike out again. We believe we have some power over the other person's outbursts thinking; "If I change... things will be better."

We may withdraw from the situation, believing the problem will be solved with time. Withdrawal, not talking or avoiding contact can also be a attempt at control. Solutions are not possible with the other person absent.

Acting in these ways will not help the situation improve.

Problems need to be solved to go away. Unresolved power struggles resurface disguised in different situations.

If we verbally and physically beat on others, we have not accepted personal responsibility for our behaviour. We think others control us. Someone else "makes" me angry. We are really saying; "I do not have control over myself."

When we lash out at the ideas others present, we reveal our own anxiety. This insecurity can lead to frightening, overpowering behaviour. Conflict can only be resolved without name calling, hitting, threats of bodily harm and undermining the other person's self esteem. An atmosphere of safety is necessary.

Each person must gain control over their own behaviour. We must choose to accept responsibility for our thoughts, words and deeds. We have the power to change ourselves!

Identifying a specific problem is the first step to solving it.

Resolving a deep problem often means solving smaller superficial differences first.

We must also let go of the idea that there is always a winner and a loser. When we think we know the one "right" way, we limit our ability to negotiate. Gaining suitable results, requires a struggle to find common ground. All parties involved need to commit to solving the problems.

By sticking to the issues, using examples to make our points and communicating our wants clearly, specific areas needing resolution can be pin pointed. A desire to resolve the difference must be honestly present in each person. 

Marilyn Barnicke Belleghem M.Ed., is a registered marriage and family therapist and consults to families in business on issues related to workplace relationships. She is the author of books on personal growth through travel. http://www.questpublishing.ca

Article source: Expert Articles

Most Recent Articles in Anger Management category

  • How to Manage Your Anger Using Self Talk - By: Dr. Lyle Becourtney
    "Pins and needles, needles and pins; it's a happy man that grins." These classic words were made famous by Jackie Gleason in his role as Ralph Kramden in the 1950s TV sitcom, The Honeymooners. So why in the world was America's favorite bus driver so intent on repeating this phrase whenever he was on the verge of losing his temper? Quite simply, by changing his self-talk or inner conversation with himself, Kramden was using a popular anger management strategy that continues to ...
  • Hypnosis Can Help - By: Crizza Reyes
    Anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage," according to psychologist doctors. Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion but it can stiffle our emotional freedom.
  • The Secret to Mastering The Secret - By: Hale Dwoskin
    Because of the momentum of your habitual ways of thinking, feeling and behaving, you may frequently feel like you are trying to move forward with a rubber band around your waist.
  • Battering Rams and Sun Tzu - By: Kenneth Ragpala
    There are a lot of words in the English vocabulary that are spelled the same yet mean something else. Just some blah on the side.
  • Dealing with Anger Management - By: Crizza Reyes
    We all experienced those moments in which we feel completely out of control with frustrations. Perhaps you’ve thrown something across the room, screamed at someone uncontrollably or put your fist through a wall.
  • An Assertive Communication Technique that Works - By: Dr. Lyle Becourtney
    One of the most effective ways of using assertive communication is by using a technique known as the Compliment Sandwich. In order to minimize the other person's defensiveness, you would begin with a compliment (the first piece of bread), then present your complaint or criticism (the meat), and then finish with another compliment (the second piece of bread). When used appropriately, the Compliment Sandwich can be very helpful in managing your anger.
  • An Assertive Communication Technique that Works - By: Dr. Lyle Becourtney
    One of the most effective ways of using assertive communication is by using a technique known as the Compliment Sandwich. In order to minimize the other person's defensiveness, you would begin with a compliment (the first piece of bread), then present your complaint or criticism (the meat), and then finish with another compliment (the second piece of bread). When used appropriately, the Compliment Sandwich can be very helpful in managing your anger.
  • Anger Can Be Good - By: Dr. Lyle Becourtney
    Although uncontrolled anger can be quite costly, when channeled properly anger can also be very positive. Among other things, anger can motivate us to work harder to accomplish our goals. This could mean playing harder on the defensive end in a basketball game, studying longer for an exam, or putting in more time when learning to play an instrument.
  • Anger Management Skills - By: Michael Malega
    Anger is a lifelike emotion, it is not possible for anybody not to be angry as we face different circumstances. Some people may respond very harshly to their feelings and therefore their saying creates problems. Check this article for anger management skills, tips, ideas and suggestions.
  • 7 Anger Management Techniques - By: Anthony Kane
    Every day things happen to us that bring out our anger. So it's critical that we learn to keep our temper under control. We need to do this for ourselves, and we need to do this so that our children can learn from our example. Here are seven easy to use anger management techniques that will help you to keep your anger under control.