The Three Methods of Approaching a Woman

By: Darren Wolsey
Submitted: 2007-01-17 16:39:40
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The way in which you first approach a woman will effect the response she gives you and may easily allow you to enter into a fun conversation with her. You probably already know that the main factor of approaching is to have and project confidence. Fortunately, if you are inexperienced in the approach and lack confidence, you can still approach without too much anxiety and end up in a conversation. Lets look at the three main methods of approaching a woman:

1. Indirect

To approach a woman (or group of people for that matter) indirectly involves using a neutral "opener" to initiate the conversation so that you are somewhat hiding your initial intentions to pick her up. For example, you may approach and open with "Hi, I was wondering what is a good dance club around here...do you know of any?" or you could go in with an opinion whether it be true to your life or made up. "Hey guys, I need a female opinion on something...do these shoes match my shirt?". These openers are nothing fancy and may not be for you, but you get the idea.

The purpose here is that opening indirectly is supposed to reduce your anxiety to begin with by not being under pressure to pick-up, as well as giving you a good chance of not being blown out or rejected because you are just a regular guy asking a normal question. Be careful with using indirect as it can often get the girls curious as to why you are asking them for opinions out of the blue in which case they will start testing you to find out why you are really talking to them.

2. Direct

A direct approach is more for guys that are at a higher level of confidence and are comfortable with talking to women. An example of direct would be "Hey, I just wanted to say that you have great style and I want to get to know you." If you can pull this off with solid body language and a confident persona, then it can cause instant attraction from the girl as she immediately respects your honesty and courage. The down side to this however is that if you don't project confidence then she may see it as a "just another line" and reject you.

It is better to test this out in a non-club environment where the girl is not expecting it and doesn't have her defenses up. A good way to follow up on the direct approach is to start qualifying her (eg. seeing if she meets your standards) which shows that you are in the powerful position of deciding whether she is good for you, and not the other way around.

3. Natural

Well the third way of approaching is nothing new but can be the most effective. Opening naturally can involve a bit of indirect or a bit of direct but the main intention is just to show that you are a sociable person who is out to have fun talking to people. It often involves a situational opener such as "Hey there, this place is really crowded tonight...have you noticed the long line out the front? Anyway my name is ....". It is highly unlikely that this type of approach can result in a negative response from anyone unless you come off overly nervous or needy.

A good way to follow up with this type of approach is just to "vibe" with the other person. Maybe you will talk about the earrings she is wearing or the DJ that is playing tonight or whatever. If you keep the conversation a bit playful and flirty, you can soon decide if you like her escalate things from there.

So we've looked at some different ways of approaching women or any person/group. If you are just starting out the arduous process of becoming better at interacting with women and society in general, then you may want to try some indirect memorized openers at first so that you become more comfortable in a social atmosphere. When you have enough confidence you can then just start talking to people around you about anything in a very "natural" manner. Eventually when you are having some success, you may find that you want to cut through some of the bull and try a direct approach on a girl you are really attracted to. Just remember to have fun!

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