Gaining More Personal Fulfillment with Personal Coaching - FamilyVision Column

By: Daryl Green
Submitted: 2007-01-17 16:39:47
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No one cares. You feel you don’t get any support---not from your significant other, not from your family, friends, and certainly not from your children. You want so badly to soar like the eagles…yet your daily routine leaves you feeling like a child. No one understands your need to have an identity of your own. Your friends laugh at your goals. Your spouse can’t understand why you want more out of life. You are depressed with your life. Where can you find peace? Where do you find an advocate who will cheer for you when things are looking grim?

Too Many Problems

Life is full of day-to-day problems. If you get too absorbed in them, you miss the greatness within you. A personal advisor can do wonders! Many people do not want to ask for help, especially men. Is it a sign of weakness – of course not. After all this is the Information Age! Where others reject help because of what people might say ( through their social masks).

You want people to see the real you rather than false images---living in a house you can’t afford, working a job you hate, and being involved in organizations where you dislike the people. If you’ve accepted this lifestyle for yourself, what are you going to do when it comes to your family or do they need help?

An individual can set personal goals to help focus on the important things in life. Some families already set goals and measure their success. However, most of us need more assistance and feedback in developing family goals. My wife and I regularly attend a marriage retreat each year so that we can improve our relationship. This type of focus and attention represents a pro-active step in edifying the marriage. Sadly, many people view getting help from an outside source as negative and unproductive.

Escaping the Vicious Cycle

How do you relieve yourself of the vicious cycle of pain that exist in your unfulfilled life? Ask! Obtaining the right help is critical in achieving personal goals. You can start with a trusted friend or get an outside party to assist you. When we conduct family seminars, we give individuals the option of using a personal coach to help them with these goals.

An objective outsider does not have to play power games with family members or intimate friends. Do not feel guilty or even perceive yourselves as falling short of some image. The use of an objective personal coach allows families to make an honest appraisal of themselves as both individuals and as a family unit. Understand the guidelines for selecting a personal coach:

Personal Coaching

What is personal coaching? It’s not being a referee, babysitter, or fight promoter. Coaching is not counseling, either. You talk to a counselor when you have a problem; however, you go to a coach when you want to accomplish goals or improve your skills. Many couples when they seek family counseling are there because of a problem. One mate usually has dragged the other into a session (against his or her better judgment). The poor counselor ends up being a referee. Why? It becomes a contest. Someone wants to be awarded the “winner”!

In the couple's mind, there has to be a winner and a loser. In coaching, everyone wins as a team or loses as a team. The true reward in this process is a personal advisor who does not try to analyze you or interpret what is said. The advisor is there to assist you in being your best. Some of the areas where coaching has proven to be effective include (a) gaining more balance in life, (b) securing more financial security, (c) building better relationships, (d) gaining power, recognition, and influences, and ultimately (e) providing a more meaning life.

You need to do a self- assessment to determine how a personal coach can help you. Picking an advisor can be difficult for many people. One of the best sources for obtaining an advisor is through the International Coach Federation (www.coachfederation.com). You want to establish a genuine relationship with your personal advisor. In selecting an advisor, here are some things to ask yourself:

1. Can I trust the person with my private information (and still feel comfortable)?
2. Can the advisor be objective and fair?
3. Is the advisor a good listener?
4. Does my family like this person?
5. Does this person have the necessary skills (facilitating, leading, organizing, etc.) and training to assist my family?

The Final Matter

Life does not get any easier. Having your own advisor is not the solution to all of your problems. Yet, you will become more focused on your priorities. If you have terrible family communications, an advisor won’t change that fact in most cases. However, using this approach may breakdown family barriers. Why be scared in asking for help! Create a more positive life experience. Start today!

Daryl D. Green has published over 100 articles in the field of decision-making (personal and organizational), leadership, and organizational behavior. Mr. Green is also the author of two acclaimed books, Awakening the Talents Within and My Cup Runneth Over. He is a columnist, lecturer, professor, and management consultant. Mr. Green has a BS in engineering and a MA in organizational management. Currently, he is a doctoral degree in strategic leadership. For more information, visit his website at http://www.darylgreen.org

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