Another Empty Chair

By: Sue Baumgardner
Submitted: 2007-01-17 16:41:31
Print this article | Tell a friend | For publisher | Social Bookmarking
Rating:
 

Over the years, I often thought that the birth mother experiences something akin to the mother whose child dies. Surrendering your child is like your child is dead to you only in part. Your brain, and heart, still know that the child lives. In some ways this is worse than an actual death. In an actual death, the parent can find solace in the belief that their child is happy in the bosom of the Lord. And the child is not here on earth, missing their birth parents or suffering in any way. The birth mother, who has surrendered her child for adoption, worries over her child and the child's well being continually.

Further, the child's needs are being met by someone else. This leaves the birth mother feeling like such a failure. And at the very base of all the suffering is the loneliness. Birth mother is missing her child, pure and simple. It always feels like the child should be there with her. Today, I am watching my 70 year old brother-in-law experience these same sufferings. How, you are undoubtedly wondering, can a 70 year old man experience the same emotional sufferings as a birth mother?

Well, he has finally given in to family pressure and his own limitations. He is placing his wife in a nursing home for memory impaired individuals. His wife has left us in bits and pieces, over the past few years. First, she could not add and subtract anymore. An avid bridge player, she lost her ability to play the simplest of card games. Now she cannot feed herself, toilet herself, dress herself, or even talk. She is loosing recognition of family members. She is most often floundering between anger, fright and confusion. She knows just enough to know that things are not right in her mind. She knows she 'should be able to......'. Those were words she most often spoke when she had lost most of her speech capability. Words that are beyond her now.

So there is my poor brother-in-law. It's like his wife is dead; only she is not. Someone else is going to tend to her needs. She will not live with him. He feels that she belongs with him, he is her husband! He will be so lonely without her. And what if she wakes in the night frightened and wondering where he is! If she were really dead and in the bosom of our Lord, he would not have to worry about her well being. He would know she was not suffering! My brother-in-law will face all this with the fervent hope and prayer that it will be best for his wife. But he knows that as long as his wife is there, he will never again draw a free breath. And, like us birth mothers, he will live with an empty chair...

Article source: Expert Articles

Most Recent Articles in Grief Loss category

  • The Gift - By: Angelique Ellerman
    This article was written to help those who are dealing with the loss of a loved one. Death is just another stage in life, one that can be learned from and help each of us to evolve. Know that you are not alone and it will get better with time.
  • Crisis - How Will You Cope? - By: Tamara Johnson
    Summarizes the grief process after crisis. Outlines the natural grief process that leads to healing.
  • Acknowledging and Supporting the Difficult Life Transitions of Those We Care About - By: Chellie Bonebrake
    From the end of a relationship with a person, house, or job to the diagnosis and treatment of a serious illness, we all encounter struggles in our lives. A hug, a laugh and a supportive message from someone who cares go a long way in providing comfort to a heavy heart. Many people are unable to be with a friend or loved one as they adjust to a difficult situation.
  • For The New Widow - Three Things To Remember - When The Moon In The Sky Hits Like An Axe In The Eye - By: Linda Della Donna
    It’s the end of the day, the end of the week, the end of the month.The cat’s in the cradle and the dog’s in the yard.Or, is it the other way around?
  • If Drinkin' Don't Kill Me (Her Memory Will) - By: Earl Erickson
    A song written by R. Beresford and H. Sanders and sung by country music’s living legend, George Jones , entitled, If Drinkin’ Don’t Kill Me (Her Memory Will) , has a much different meaning for me today.
  • Balloons... To Release, Detached And Let Go? - By: K Amber
    The past is over and nothing can be changed. We cannot accept the happening in the past so we tend to cling hard to that experience. We just let our future and present move fearing the past would repeat.
  • Communicating With Deceased Loved Ones - By: Yvonne Perry
    My interest in the Afterlife and spirit communication began in earnest in 2000, when my life literally fell apart. There was an entity that began to manifest to comfort and console me as I was going through my divorce. Whenever I cried, this loving presence touched me in a warm and motherly way.
  • What Does God Have To Say About Death? - By: Jennifer C
    The day we are born, we begin to die. It’s a given fact of life, yet one which we spend much of our lives trying to ignore or defy.The writer of Ecclesiastes wrote “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die ..
  • I Will Never Die! - By: Yvonne Perry
    That is a bold statement, but you see, I no longer believe in death. My body may demise and my spirit may depart from it, but who I am (my essence) will NOT die.Some people view death as a fearful tragedy, the end of a life, a sad finality.
  • Life on the Other Side - By: Yvonne Perry
    If only we knew what was on the Other Side of this life! Knowing for sure what lies ahead might make a difference in how we view dying and aging and how we handle the death of a loved one.Much of our fear about death is rooted in delusions and distorted ways of looking at life and the world around us.