What's Your Agenda?

By: Marcus Engel
Submitted: 2007-01-17 16:41:51
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Take a couple of random 18-year-old guys and shove them into a room the size of a Winnebago shower stall for two years. One of two things will happen; they’ll bond… or one will end up putting a pillow over the other’s head while he sleeps.

For two years of college, my roommate, Ben, and I lived together, partied together, ate together and, well, grew up together. My most vivid memories of those years aren’t of disagreements or tension or even the really awesome party nights, but rather the hours and hours we’d spend talking. Our conversations sometimes were incredibly deep and philosophical, and other times were about stuff like, oh, whether or not Nirvana was the best band of the 90s, if Burger King was better than McDonald’s and if it was possible that Tu Pac was still alive. Ya know, the most important things in life.

A few weeks ago, on a west coast speaking tour, I was able to slack off for a couple of days to hang with Ben. He now lives in the San Francisco Bay area (one of my favorite places on earth), so it wasn’t too hard to convince me to take a mini-vacation. An hour after I landed, we were sitting in his favorite microbrew pub stuffing ourselves on fish and chips and shooting the breeze like in the old days.

One of the things I’ve always appreciated about Ben is his ability to see all sides of an issue. I’ve made a conscientious effort to ‘dial it back a notch’ in the last few years, but, and I know this is hard to believe, I used to have a rather hardcore opinionated streak. Ben, by example, quickly showed me the wisdom of speaking second. His pattern was just smart: when discussing any topic, gather all the information you can, listen to different viewpoints, and don’t be afraid to acknowledge that the other person’s stance is legitimate if it does, in fact, stand on its own. Practicing this and toning down my bullheadedness has really allowed me to grow a lot as a communicator. And I have Ben to thank for that. So, over a few IPAs, I told him so. His response, while ridiculously simple, was one that, by his definition, just makes sense. “When I talk to people, I just don’t have an agenda.”

Agendas. When someone has “an agenda”, that’s usually thought of as some narrow-minded, immoveable stance on a topic. Worse, we usually think those with an agenda are out to sway or manipulate us to their viewpoint. Granted, this isn’t the only kind of agenda, but I think that’s a pretty good summation of how most people think of “an agenda.” Maybe we’re not out to twist the world our way, but due to the fact we’re all human, we all DO have agendas to some point. Or, at the very least, we have opinions about what’s right and wrong and we’d like the world to share in those.

Whether you’re a stubborn, opinionated soul like I’ve been known to be, or just someone who occasionally holds on to a deep opinion, the ability to step back, gather information and give credit where credit is due is one of the biggest lessons we can learn. In fact, I probably learned more in that college dorm room than I did in those college classrooms. And who’d have thought such an important life lesson could come from someone who still thinks Prince is the greatest artist of all time! (Sorry Ben, I had to throw that in).

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