There's Nothing So Sustaining As Support!

By: Kate Harper
Submitted: 2007-01-17 16:40:21
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“One man can be a crucial ingredient on a team, but one man cannot make a team.”

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

I spent yesterday building beds. My youngest son had chosen a loft bed for his forthcoming birthday and it arrived in boxes on the back of a lorry. So the boxes were emptied, the instructions read and the bed was constructed from a pile of bits and pieces. Then the bunk bed in my eldest son’s room was dismantled to make way for the bed that had been in his brother’s room, as the bunk is now too short for him. (This will go to his sister once we sort her bedroom out.) The collapsed bed was moved in bits and then re-constructed where the bunk had been. The bits of bunk were taken downstairs to be stored until my daughter’s room is ready for it. Simple! Well, no, not really.

As many of you know and are experiencing it, the UK is undergoing a spell of hot weather, so all this took even more of an effort than usual, due to the heat, but the most important realization was that there is no way I could have done it alone. Much of it I could have managed, but the building of the loft bed and the dismantling of the bunk bed were jobs for more than one person. I am very fortunate that all my children are healthy and strong, but also willing to lend a hand when needed. The heavy and awkward tasks were undertaken by me and my eldest son (who is now at least 4 or 5 inches taller than me and very strong, although he is only 14) and the other two chipped in with assistance throughout the day. It made the whole enterprise so much easier.

This got me thinking about the support that we rely on and expect in almost every aspect of our lives, and also about how there are certain endeavours that we undertake which need rather more support than usual. Where can we access that support? Do we need to look at our relationships with not only friends and family, but with work colleagues and contacts and start to build up a support network to see us through the challenging times? Of course, this is a two-way thing. How much support can we, and do we, give to others in return? Too little, or too much? Are we appreciated for the support we do give and do we let those who are there for us know how much we are grateful for all they do for us? So this comes to you with a big “Thank You” for supporting me by reading my articles!

Take a look at what you are trying to achieve. Are there aspects of it that require you to have the assistance of someone else? Perhaps it is simply that you need a few words of encouragement? Who can you think of? They don’t even have to be someone who is particularly close to you, but simply someone who you know will share your vision and enthusiasm. Go on and ask them. The worst thing they can say is “No”; however they will most likely be flattered and say “Yes”. How would you feel if someone asked you?

What task have you been avoiding because you can’t see the way through on your own? What aspect of it is stopping you forging ahead? Who can you ask to help you? If there is more than one then make a list of the most appropriate people to approach, and then do it! Sometimes all that is required is someone looking at the problem with a different viewpoint or with a suggestion of approaching it a different way.

Sometimes we need to be our own prop. How are you encouraging yourself? Do you speak to yourself in a motivating, encouraging way, or have you slipped into the habit of being negative. A really strong phrase to repeat to yourself is “I can do this!” Use it!

Shared activity is a great deal of fun. You don’t have to join the local football team (unless you really want to), but you could start a class where you’ll be learning the skills of a new sport or activity with a group of like-minded people who will usually be at the same stage as you. How about inviting someone to join you as you take your lunchtime walk around the local patch of grass, or to join you after work for some other type of activity? Or ask if you can join someone, if they do an activity that appeals to you.

As I said, support is a two-way thing. However, some people find themselves providing all the support and receiving very little in return. Think about how you feel in these situations and decide whether this is something you want to carry on with, as it may give you personal satisfaction, or decide that you are going to speak up and say how being taken for granted makes you feel. Perhaps you are willing to carry on, if only you get appreciation of some sort for the effort you are putting in. Maybe the person who is receiving the support has not realized that they are doing all the taking and just needs a little nudge.

If you can’t think of that many people in your life who you can call on for support, then a good thing to do is to start to cultivate new relationships, whether personal or professional. Who do you like and respect that you don’t particularly know well? How can you start to approach them and let them know that you’d like to know more about them? The hardest part will be saying the first word!

Collaboration in creative projects adds another facet to them. Think of the quilting groups around the world where the members all work on one quilt at a time, providing their skills to create a wonderful outcome. There are also many community projects where groups get together to clean up and beautify their neighbourhoods, through art or gardening or some other creative activity. Is there something similar going on in your locality that appeals to you?

How can you offer support to others this week? The satisfaction of providing assistance and encouragement to other people is ample reward. And, as the saying goes, “What goes around comes around.” So, who can you offer support to?

Kate Harper is a Motivation Coach based in the beautiful Highlands of Scotland. Check out her website http://www.harpercoaching.com

She works with people from all over the world who are seeking change in their lives. If that is you, please take a look at Kate's website. Her special interests are the promotion of Wellbeing and Self Confidence through her coaching.

"The distance is nothing; it is only the first step that is difficult." Madame Marie du Deffand

Take your first step today and contact Kate.

Go here to get my free 7 day mini e-Course on Procrastination - http://www.harpercoaching.com/HC_e-Courses_Menu_Page2.htm

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