The Journey of Self-Love and Success

By: Annette Colby
Submitted: 2007-01-17 16:41:01
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Many people spend their lives role-playing. Pretending to be something, somebody, other than who they really are. Why do we do this? As children, we sometimes grow up without much recognition from our families. This can create confusion about our identity. It can also happen when we don’t get the type of unconditional loving attention we needed because our parents weren’t available (either physically, emotionally, or spiritually).

As we grow up, we judge ourselves unworthy. We find ourselves guilty of being unlovable, unlikable, and unacceptable. So we look outsides of ourselves for ways to somehow seem okay. Role playing is created when people constantly seek approval and affirmation from outside of themselves. Inwardly, these people are self-critical, judgmental, and believe themselves to be different in some non-okay way. So they put on masks, hoping no one sees the real self below the armor. Without a sense of self-worth certain types of thoughts and actions are common:

I am stupid, fat, ugly, useless, or unwanted.
I am not good enough.
A mistake was made when I was created.
I’m dissatisfied with everything in life.
I’m feeling either superior or inferior to others, never equal.
I’m withdrawn from social contact.
I can only see my faults. My achievements never measure up.
I feel a sense of defeat and hopelessness.

What are the lies you have told yourself:

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As time goes by, the truth of who we are becomes submerged. We tell ourselves lies that we believe and hold onto. Do you want to see how tightly you hold on to your lies? Take a piece of paper and divide it into two columns. On the top of one side write, “things I dislike about who I am”. On the other side write, “things I absolutely love about myself”. Give yourself two or three minutes per column. Quickly write down everything that comes to mind. What did you notice? Was it easier to have love for self and acknowledge the positive attributes, or easier to self-judge?

Negative Self Traits

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Positive Self Traits

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If it was far easier to list the negative self traits, than most likely you have judged yourself unworthy. You are unaware of the truth of who you are. Which means you are not standing in your beauty, your purpose, or your light. And in the pain of lying to yourself, you may have turned to food, perfectionism, obsessive thoughts, excessive busyness, or certain addictive behaviors for comfort.

What Is the Truth?

“Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” ~ Bible, John 8:32 ~

One of the problems with telling yourself these lies, is that if you believe something, you will act as though you believe it. If you believe you are unworthy of love, you will act as though you are unworthy of love. If you believe you are an outcast, you will act as if you are an outcast. Our beliefs define our reality.

So who are we really? Beneath the facade and the layers of defenses what exists? If you let go of all the definitions that you currently explain yourself by, would you still exist?

Who you are is a mystery. It is the breath of creation that was breathed into all of us at the moment of birth. You are spirit and physicality combined. Your belief of unworthiness will continue until you consciously decide to make a decision to change it. You will not wake up one fine morning to discover your beliefs about being unlovable have magically disappeared. Only when you take charge and decide that you have lived with your negative belief long enough, will you take the steps to create change.

Creating Self-Love

While there are many, many miles we must travel along this journey to creating inner peace, one of the most important is self-love. Choosing to fall in love with yourself is a very personal, and often complex, process. There is no magic formula to follow that can make self-love occur. It takes time, effort and awareness to allow love to deepen. Through determined and conscious warmth, compassion, and caring for yourself will you be able to invite new opportunities of love, pleasure and joy. Dare to love yourself. It’s your journey. And without your support, you’re not going to get anywhere at all. Below are a few suggestions to help you consider a few new ways to lead yourself into greater self-love:

1. Realize You Have Control over Your Future.

Everything starts with dreams, desires and wants. Success is always a product of the choices you make. Creating success begins with permission to imagine and pretend you are living your most perfect life. What do you wish to manifest on Earth? What ideas awaken passion, creativity, intuition, and gut feelings? What makes you laugh, feel good, and come to life? What do you stand for? Only when we have defined what we are all about, do we have some sense of which direction to go in life.

2. Believe You Can Succeed.

Your ability to achieve a dream or desire is dependent on many factors, but none of them is more important than simply believing you can! Norman Vincent Peale stated, “People become really quite remarkable when they start thinking that they can do things. When they believe in themselves they have the first secret of success.” Our potential to achieve what we want is virtually un*limited. What often propels us forward or holds us back is whether we have belief or lack of belief.

3. Be Responsible for Your Failures.

Failure is not bad. Actually, it’s probably the only way to become successful. The obstacles, setbacks, and stumbling blocks are an anticipated aspect of any new adventure. Failure is really just feedback telling us to adjust the plan or to try a new approach. It is essential to success. While it’s certainly a giant leap to welcome failure with open arms, perhaps we can begin with acceptance that failure is a natural aspect of every ultimately successful journey. Think of misfortunes as temporary and specific instead of permanent and general. Decide that this day is yours and that you will use it wisely for your success. No one can spoil your day -- not even you.

4. Be Responsible for Your Success.

This support you need in life is going to come in the appearance of self-monitoring, self-talk, and self-reward. I can not overstate the importance of constantly telling yourself what a good job you are doing. It’s not just the little things that you do each day that will get you to your goal. It’s learning to be excited by your choices and recognize your many triumphs — however small they may seem. There is nothing as substantial as love that comes from within. The accomplishment is to feel successful with each step you take, no matter what the outcome is. It is enough that you have taken the step. You are enough.

Helping people let go of self-destructive thoughts, emotions, and behaviors has been the life work of Dr. Annette Colby. Her fascination with the power of the mind, emotions, spirituality, and physicality has led her to become a leader in the field of personal growth and consciousness. She is a valued counselor, and an inspiring teacher, as well as an independent writer, mentor, and guide. She is a highly sought-after trainer with a unique ability to inform and inspire individuals to open their hearts, love more openly, and pursue their dreams.

Dr. Annette Colby, RD
Nutrition Therapist & Master Energy Therapist

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